Guess how I am spending my day?

Jeez, what am I doing today? I think I'll sit down and write something...
K and I had lunch today. I met her at the T and we walked around a bit chatting about our relative states of craziness. She is balls-out as well. We are both very, very ready to be done. Out of a group of seven, perhaps three or four of us are planning to finish and graduate in June. The rest are going to take the summer to finish. I can't believe that. Who would want to extend this craziness? The last thing I want is to have this friggin thing hanging over my head all summer long!! that is just stupid. Mine might not be perfect but you know what? It will be done and I will walk away.

That is if I stop blogging and get back to work.
I am going to insert a very funny story I read this morning though.

It is from the National Inquirer so take it with a grain of salt.
Babs in stretch-pants. Thankfully a gay brother tried to set her "straight" on fashion.

names out...

I got nothin

writing,writing,writing,writing,writing,writing,writing,writing.
This is what I do. All day, every day. Except when I go to the store or the gym.
I'm getting pretty fuckin sick of it. But it is almost over.
I should have gone to art school. again.
On a happy note K & C had their young-un yesterday. Good for them. Someone's got to breed. It certainly won't be me. Although I do have a list of lesbians waiting for a donation when their clock chimes. I'm already committed to being a parent in some form.
God help me. back to writing. At least it isn't raining...yet.

I bought an Edith Piaf box set this weekend. It is really sweet. Dark, depressing, forlorn.
Good times. Back to writing, writing,writing,writing,writing,writing.

names out...

I think my brain has exploded

It's amazing how the euphoria one feels can quickly evaporate into the anxiety of writers block. I have spent the better part of the last two days sitting in the library contemplating my next move as the minutes tick by and I get closer and closer to my deadline. I need to have this chapter done by Friday. I don't know if I can. I also committed myself to recording a conference here at MIT which will consumer both Friday and Sat. Actually I just emailed the guy attempting to back out of it. We'll see.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. My brain is mush from Friday. It all seemed to really come together. Now...I got nothing.

One step closer to the edge...

Thank god! Thesis presentations are over!! It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I went second, right after Ilya's amazing presentation on advertising and video games. I felt like a downer talking about pyschoanalysis and early video art. I also did not have a powerpoint presentation. At about 1 oclock the night before I realised that staying up all night just to have pictures for people to look at while I talked was stupid. I knew it was the right decision when I was able to fall right asleep. The day was long. I left for a while with the excuse of picking up software from IS&T. What I really needed was fresh air and sunshine. Sitting in a dark room watching presentation after presentation was a bit tiring. Everyone's thesis' sounded great. It's nice to see that we are all such a smart bunch. We never really clicked personally as a group. Or at least I didn't. I'm not much of a group person to begin with. And the fact that I have very little patience for whiney people who like drama prevented me from connecting with several of them. I think that being in a relationship put me on the outside as well. I had dinner to cook and laundry to do. I wasn't going to hangout in the student centre or shit like that.
Anyway, K and I and a couple others went to chinese food for dinner then headed over to one of the professors houses for the reception/party. His place was amazing. Large loft space with a garden. He also just bought a porsche. Just how much does MIT pay people? he also owns a townhouse in Utrecht, Holland. I didn't stay long. Had a glass of wine and bullshitted a little. The dept head came over and told me I did a wonderful job. The compliment meant a lot coming from him. I still go through the distrustful thing though. I think that people are blowing smoke up my ass. I might be a little too self critical. I thought I rushed through it. I read a paper as opposed to standing up and presenting.I didn't get many questions. whatever.
Lots of people asking me what I am doing now. I have no fucking clue. I hate that question. Look for a job, what the fuck do you think I'm going to do?? Idiots...
I left with Michele, who works at MIT. She came to the presentations just to see mine. I was very glad she did. It was nice. She's awesome. I've known here since I was an undergrad and doing a semester at MIT. We met up with C and his friends at the B-Side. Stayed way too late and got hammered. Ended up taking a cab home, not because we were drunk (although we were) but the bartender told us that they had been warned by the cops of roaming gangs of hoodlums who were going around jumping people and mugging them. As we both had our laptops with us we thought it would be a good idea to cab it.
Today I am tired and hungover. but will go to the library shortly to continue writing. William asked me if I thought I would be done by May. I said "hell yeah." There is no way I won't finish this shit on time. I want it over...Several of the members of my class have asked for summer extentions. I think that is a very stupid idea. I understand wanting to give yourself the time to do good work but come on. It is only a master's degree not like it matters.
I'm out. its coffee time. I am going to get the Eagles of Death Metal album today. I can't wait for the show Monday!!!

names...

Go Swiss!!

So it might seem like I have nothing better to do with my day than post here.
Well, I love to procrastinate as much as I love to inform.
And this has to be one of the better commercials I have seen:

Swiss hunks woo World Cup widows

Before this Switzerland always seemed boring to me.

names...

Eagles of Death Metal!!

I must post about my new favourite band: the Eagles of Death Metal. They are awesome and they are coming to the Paradise on Monday night!! The singer from Queens of the Stone Age plays drums and the lead singer looks like Freddie Mercury reincarnated (without the overbite).
Check out their website:

www.eaglesofdeathmetal.net/

IFILM also has a couple of their videos. Jack Black and the guys from the Foo Fighters make cameos. Fucking awesome. I hope to take pics at the show.

Rock on bitches!!!

names...

time wasting once again...

I am slowly recovering from a freakout. I had a bit of a freakout last night. My thesis presentation is tomorrow and I really don't feel prepared. I am afraid I am going to fuck up royally. I spent some time on the phone last night with S, one of my committee members. She won't be there tomorrow as she is in Philly attending a conference. She made me feel a little better and I managed to get to sleep last night. However, I woke at 6 this morning and began doing my presentation in my head. I decided that I would just get up and start chugging coffee and get my day rolling. I still haven't started. As most of you know this is my favourite method of procrastination.

Yesterday morning I walked around campus taking some photos trying to recover some images I lost in the crash. I might have to fly back to Paris and re-take all of those photos as well. hmmmmmmmm




This is Killian Court. In a couple of months (if I survive) I will be sitting here for graduation. Actually I will probably be counting the minutes until I have a cocktail in my hand as my family will be in town visiting.



This is the Stata Centre. designed by Frank Gehry. Cool on the outside but a pain in the ass on the inside. it is supposed to be an indoor town hall type space. There are never enough places to sit and it suffers from spotty wireless. I recently learned that there the shitty wireless was done on purpose. Apparently there are several "top secret" departments (I figure that they mean CSAIL which is the AI lab and not the Philosophy department, both of which are here) in the building and they were concerned that have too much wireless would make them susceptible to net break-ins.

names...

Are you there God?

I can see light at the end of the tunnel! I have finished chapter one of my thesis. It still needs tweaking but I will leave that for later. We went to the B-side to celebrate with some beers. The power went out about an hour into it. It was kinda fun. We ended up staying longer. It was like camping. Good times.
I bought C the new Tomb Raider game. He stayed up way later than I. I retired to read about 11:30 leaving him to his game. I don't even know what time he came to bed.
I mocked him for it this morning.

names...

New City simulation game.

New SimCity type game.
I'm not sure of the system that the demo plays on, probably PC and not Mac. Check it out here.

time killer and thought provoker

This is for those conspiracy theorists out there:

Click here

back to writing.

names...

life can be so unfair

So I am sitting here working on my thesis in the library and watching the world go by.I am sitting before some very large windows that look out upon Memorial Drive and the Charles River. It is a beautiful spring day and people are out jogging or walking along the river. There are sailboats drifting by. And I am knee deep in writing my technological history chapter. Am I bitter? You bet your fuckin ass I am.

names...

Don't push me, cause I'm close to the edge...

oy, what a week I have had. Sometimes it doesn't pay to get out of bed. I am slowly recovering from a massive hard drive crash. I lost everything as my computer fall down, go boom. Nothing could be recovered. The only thing that I managed to save were several papers I had emailed around for feedback. So I am not totally starting from scratch but pretty damn close.
On top of this I discover that MIT had returned one of my student loans and now I owe them three thousand dollars. Nice.
I'm ready to kill some muther fuckers...
Its a good thing I posted some Paris pics here because those are all gone as well.
I don't know if I am going to survive the next few weeks to graduation. C and I are already snapping at each other. I'm being a nasty bitch. I know that. I don't have any other coping mechanisms.

names...

I'm a bad mammer-jammer right about now.

Once again it is time to procrastinate. I should be writing my thesis but here I am writing non-sensical bullshit that is completely unrelated. Past few days have been a blur. of course some of that is the fact that I have been spending way too much time drinking beers. I spend the days writing the the nights drinking. Throw in a little insomnia and you have one exhausted and perpetually hung-over grad student. Thankfully there is only two months left before I have to enter the realy world. Still no job prospects but I hope to turn my attention that way soon. I had my resume critiqued again and will begin working on the job-thang. Luckily it seems that the job market is booming. For once timing is working for me and not against. I have also started working on my tattoo again. I went and spent two hours stretched out on a table yesterday having my arm done. THis time I am going to get the whole upper arm done. He did the outline yesterday in record time. He wanted to keep going and do the fill in. By the two hour mark my hand was asleep and just him cleaning my arm hurt like a mother fucker. I was not about to continue. Next time. I am going back in a month. I have to say that the part I though was going to be painful (which was the underside of the bicep)wasn't at all. The part that hurt the most was the armpit. Oh my god! I was gripping the table with my other hand every time he did the lines up in there. Not good. I can't wait till he goes to fill it in. Thats going to be one special event, let me tell you.
The problem was that I haven't had work done in a few years. I forgot all about the pain. If you go consistently it's not a surprise. y'know? its like "oh, okay pain, I get it." and then you move on. I am very excited about it now though. It certainly is addictive. I hope to have the half sleeve finished before graduation. Its kinda like my gift to myself. And then I go and sell out and join corporate America. Which I am coming to terms with. I like the idea of making money and travelling. woo-hoo! sell out!! sell out!!
I can't wait to go back to Paris with an actual income. I can go shopping! Drinking, eating, shopping. life doesn't get any better than that. Who needs gods? And I say that completely aware of the Nietzschean connotations. I am fuckin sick of it. I have had all the existential self examining I can take. I need some time for good old self indulgence. A little ego feeding if you will.
I will post some photos of the new art work as soon as I get C to take them. It is still a little scabby and swollen.
okay, back to work...

If you...want to call me bay-by

ah, back safe and sound in good old Cambridge. it was nice visiting the wilder parts of Mass but only visit. My jaunt to Amherst was very successful. I was on the first panel and gave my paper first as the guy next to me was having issues with his laptop and the projector. I'd like to think my paper went off pretty well. I got a couple of questions and had way too much to talk about so I had to truncate my paper a bit. I wish I had brought my camera as there were some interesting characteristics to the town. I stayed with friends in the Grad family housing. It looked a bit like an internment camp. Un-attractive. But they only paid $700 a month with everything included. you get what you pay for. UMass was interesting. It has been a while since I have seen braided bracelets. It was like a time warp back to the early nineties. I expected to hear a Spin Doctors song at any moment. The town was chock full of bars, hemp shops and Jamaica themed establishments selling black light posters. And it was friggin huge! I don't know how many students go there but then when you add in the kids from the other five colleges in the area, that adds up to a shitload. I headed home on the bus yesterday and it took me four hours to get from Amherst back to Boston. I wouldn't have thought it possible to take that long going across the state but Peter Pan buslines managed to do it. We spent a fun-filled fifteen minutes at the bus station in Worcester. That was exciting let me tell you. I sat listening to my iPod and watched the chubby guy in the seat in front of me pick at the zits on his neck for the duration. I don't know about Worcester. What a shit-hole of a town. Totally depressing.
I very happily met C and his friend J at a French bistro for drinks upon departing the bus. Thankfully it is just across the street in the newly fashionable "leather district." A neighborhood that is not nearly as exciting at its name would imply.

long story short: happy to be home. we went and bought a wok today. I am very excited.

names...

Have you never been mellow?

Well, I am off to Amherst tomorrow. I am giving my first conference paper. I am a little stressed about it. I honestly didn' t think my paper topic was relevant to the conference topic. what the fuck were they thinking?
I would have been better off not doing this fuckin thing but what am I going to do? I am actually still sick after a week! Waking up with overwhelmed sinuses is getting really old. I thought it was the flu but it seems that it might be allergies.
In light of the wonderful weather today I walked around campus and took some pics.

This is the library at Sloan where I write most of my papers. This is simply because it is the closest to the house and there is a Dunkin Donuts a block away. It is also an example of the architectural style known as Brutalism.

This is Walker Memorial. The grad bar is in the front on the right. Six dollar pitchers of Bud. hmmmmm...beer.
The MIT radio station is in the basement.

And here is the dreaded Hayden Library. This is the worst library I have ever had to spend time in. It has a great view across the Charles but otherwise nothin...Bad uncomfortable chairs and no electric outlets, who designed this fuckin place? I have never experienced a more ill-planned library. god sarn it!

I'm out. I'll report back this weekend on my disastrous paper reading.

names...

Newport

ah. so I escaped to Newport this week. I came down Tuesday evening. My goal was to have 20 to 30 pages done. I don't have shit. well. thats not true. I spent the first full day reading. Not helpful. I was kinda freaking out at this point. I hung out with my friend L whom I haven't seen in over four years. He's a little odd. I love him to death but he is an older, single gay man who is big and burly. He obliquely talks about how attracted he is to me. Not gonna happen. But he is good for getting the green. So I got to spend the last two days reeling in the years, so to speak.
anyway. I decided that I would spend today just organising the data I gathered. It took me all morning and then I spent the day thinking about how to bring it all together.
Long story short, I have an outline with all of my sources coordinated with the appropriate chapter. HUGE!
I can actually write now. I would never have thought that an outline could be helpful. I have never ever down one. But with the amount of data I had there was no fuckin way I could have gotten through it coherently.
I then went and got buzzed and walked around town before dinner taking pics. Most suck but I kinda like the bluriness.
let me know if I should stop taking pics when I am trashed. There were many of them from Paris that will never see the light of day!
anyway. it is back to the real world tomorrow god damn it.
names...

My brain is exploding

ugh! today sucked so much ass. I can't write a fuckin thing. I spent the day reading and then went out for coffee. then lunch. then to a tattoo parlour. I didn't get anything. I had a consultation with the artist. He traced what I have now and will email me a drawing of what the entire arm will look like. I am investing part of my tax return in my tattoo. I can't wait to tell C. He is going to freak out! He'll huff and puff and then deal with it. It's pretty funny to watch. The first time I went to meet his parents he wouldn't let me wear a short sleeve shirt. He didn't want them seeing it. And it really isn't that big.
After that my friend L picked me up and got me a bit smoked up. I am pleasantly buzzed now. Perhaps I will actually sleep tonight. Don't bet on it.

I'm crashing. Lets hope I can put pen to paper tomorrow. at least in the abstract digital sense.

names...

here I go again on my own.

I am in Newport this week. I have come here to write and have spent most of the time reading which isn't helping very much. Well, its helping but in a writing kinda way. I am here blogging in an attempt to come to terms with writing. It has become very anxiety provoking for me. I am stressed just thinking about it. I need a ghost writer. Someone else to put words on paper. I can think them I just can't write it out.

god damn it...

I got nothing

I have decided that writing here is a good way to get started on writing a paper. I can ramble without any pressure to "write well" or something like that. I have set a date for my thesis defense. it will take place on May 2nd. I am to give my presentation on April 21st. I should proabably get started on writing the fuckin thing. but I wish to get Turkle's paper and the conference paper finished and out of the way. Clear up the brain space.
I accomplished a bit yesterday and met up with C and friends in town. I was going to see Andrea Fraser do a reading from her new book at the ICA but I came to the realisation that listening to others talk about art is probable the least productive thing I can do right now.
I went and bought the new Belle and Sebastian CD yesterday. So far, so good.
hmmmm I got nothing else. oh wait! have I mentioned lately how much I hate the fuckin libraries at MIT? I need a quiet place to sit and write and there is nothing. I invariable end up at the Sloan library which always empty as the Sloanies have better things to do than go to the library and read.

I'm out...

Calgon take me away!

I'm trying not to think about the next month and a half. I have so much work to do and I can't get started. Everytime I sit down to write I get anxious and stressed. I have several small things that are due and I can't even get to them. I don't know how the fuck I am going to write this beast. It is looming over me like a "two ton heavy thing." Its crazy. I feel stupid. Thick in the head. major writers block. I guess it is a good thing that I didn't get into a graduate program. I'd probably be completely insane right now. Well, more so anyway.
I spent the weekend in NYC looking at art with the Art Scholars. It was fun. Saw my first broadway show "Sweeny Todd." It was very good times.
Now, of course, I have insomnia. I'm not sleeping yet really, really tired all of the time.
I am currently writing here when I should be writing a paper.

blech!

Midnight, bored again.

Since I don't have anything interesting to write about I'm passing along a meme from this guy.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
L. Nathan Oaklander's The Ontology of Time "In the final section, I will mention some outstanding issues that still need to be resolved by each camp if they are to gain the allegiance of supporters." I'm a nerd. Leave me alone.

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?
Absolutely nothing. Air, which is actually something but feels like nothing.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
The Simpsons just ended.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
Midnight

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
11:58

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The television.C snoring in the other room.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
I walked into the house at a quarter after 10. I was returning from class. See #13

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Topher's entry.

9. What are you wearing?
Plaid pajama bottoms, plaid flannal shirt, black t-shirt with the logo of a noww defunct RI hardcore band called "Holy Cow" on the front. black socks with holes.

10. Did you dream last night?
I have to admit that Matthew Fox was in my dreams last night. nuff said.

11. When did you last laugh?
A little while ago during one of my favourite Simpsons episodes.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
A framed photo horizontal tryptych by Isaac Julian that actually belongs to the List Gallery at MIT. It is on loan to me until the end of the semester. A verical digital tryptych by my friend Natasha that she gave me for helping install her thesis show. A large South Asian themed painting that C used in his thesis production of "A Perfect Ganesh." A large multi-coloured painting which was a gift to C.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
I'm not sure if this is "weird" but I just had a night class/dinner at a professor's house on Marlborough St. It was a five floor brownstone that cost more money than I will ever earn in my entire life.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
It's distracting me.

15. What is the last film you saw?
I just watched the end of Philadelphia Story. C was watching it when I got home.

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
I would pay off my student loans.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
I hosted a music video show on local television in Australia.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Legalise it.

19. Do you like to dance?
With the proper amount of alcohol anything is possible.

20. George Bush:
Trying to get the world to fear God as much as he does.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Zelda. (not inspired by the game)

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
James. What else is there?

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
It used to be Berlin but I have to admit that Paris wins by a landslide.

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Shouldn't I have gone the other way?

25. 4 people who must also do this meme in THEIR journal:
I'm not actually one for imposing rules.

When is summer getting here!!

It has been a while since I have posted here. I was overwhelmed last week with the College Art Association conference. It was an interesting experience. I sat in on quite a few panels and wandered the book fair. Didn't spend nearly enough money on books. I suffered sensory overload walking into the book sellers area. I have something of a book fetish and buy way more than I could ever possibly read. I only bought four books! I kept meaning to go back and do more shopping. In the end it is probably good that I didn't.
Anyway, I am getting a little sick of this fuckin winter so I am posting a photo from last summer. It is taken from Killian court looking across the river. I walk across this space every day and right now it fuckin sucks ass. There is a nice breeze flowing across the river, good times! My forehead cracks, my eyes water. I'm sick of winter god damn it!


names...

But I'm using my whole ass!

oy, back to the grind. Spent the better part of Friday and yesterday at the library. Friday was a compfy cozy experience while yesterday I was digging in the basement of the Sloan library looking at forty year old issues of Business Week magazine. It was really kinda creepy. You have to take an incredibly ancient elevator (no stairs?) with a crank door to get to the bound periodicals. The room is somewhat dim as half the lights seemed to be burned out. Several rows of the stacks were covered with plastic sheets. It was pretty fucked up. I sat with my back to the wall so I wouldn't be surprised by anything. I still jumped about a mile when the librarian came to tell me they were closing. My hands smelled like moldy paper afterward., blech!
C and I watched the Celluloid Closet on Logo. Oddly enough I had never seen it. I have read the book but never been interested in the film. It was quite interesting. I feel like I am out of the loop on Queer cinema since I stopped programming for the Boston Gay/Lez film festival. I hope to get back into it this spring. I am helping my friend A put together this years fest. She took over last year when I left for grad school. I am also giving a paper on LGBT film festivals at a conference this spring. So, while queer cinema is no longer an academic (or career) interest I hope to maintain some involvement. A lot of this is just ego on my part. I can't stand anyone doing queer cinema in Boston without me. I guess that's what happens when you run a gay film fest for five years!
I am off to the library again today. I think I'll hit the Harvard libraries. While they are farther, they are infinitely more comfortable. And because their security is so tight you can actually go to the bathroom without having to take all of your crap with you!

I'm starting to miss Paris...I should have played Powerball. Then I would be able to fully enjoy the life of a dilettante!
When does my trust fund kick in?

names...

Paris...to the end!

okay, I feel like I should wrap up the rest of the Paris trip so I can get back to complaining about the real world.
We woke up Sunday morning a bit hungover. Discovered a great Cafe on the block behind the hotel. I wish we had found it the day we arrived because it was great and convenient. Had a coffee and pastry then headed off to the Eiffel Tower. It was much bigger than I expected. More ornate as well. We didn't go up. The lines were really long and C doesn't do well with heights. We crossed the river and headed to the Museum of Modern Art. We decided to stop at the Palais de Tokyo which is actually part of the Modern Art museum. Well, they are physically connected. The line to get into the Modern was down the block and there was no line at the Tokyo Palace. So we went there. It was having a really great show of contemporary French artists. Some amazing work. I'll post a couple of pictures.
From here we did the tourist thing and headed to the Arc de Triomph. Nice but way too many pushy Chinese tourist taking pictures. We headed down the Champs Elysee back towards the centre of town. It was incredibly crowded and ugly. not what I expected. I was glad to be smoking so I could push people out of my way with a burning cigarette.
We headed to the Jau de Paume museum of contemporary art. It used to be Napoleon's tennis courts. Now it displays video and photography. Saw the Ed Rusche show. It was pretty interesting. Work I had heard about but never seen. good stuff.
We were to have dinner with a professor of mine who was spending his sabatical in Paris so we headed to the hotel to change and get cleaned up.
We met at a gay restaurant in the Marais. it is called Aux Trois Petits Cochons. The food was un-fuckin-believable. The snippy gay-boy waiter kept giving me attitude because I was speaking English. I couldn't tell if it was his way of flirting or just being a prick. Anyway we had a great time and headed back across the river a little drunk. Fell Asleep watching TV.
Finally Monday, our last full day in Paris. This was to be our shopping day. We headed out after a coffee at the cafe down the street. We did a bit of gallery hopping. Walked through the Ecole de Beaux Arts. Went off to C's favorite chapel in Paris to see the stained glass windows. I have to admit that they were stunning. Pics to follow.
Did some window shopping and had lunch at this pizza place near the cathedral of St. Eustace. Basically spent the day wandering around. Went by the Paris opera and took some photos. Ended up at Harry's New York Bar. I had the best manhatten I have ever drank. So good in fact that I had three! Some drunk American at the bar told me I looked like Armand Assante. I'm not sure if that is a good thing.
We stumbled back across the river and ended up at our Irish pub. Dranks some more. A couple of hours later we decide to head towards the hotel and food. We stop and eat at the Cafe Deux Magot where Sarte, Camus and other famous smarty pants French people used to hang out. I had the best ham, egg and cheese sandwich I have ever had in my life.
I stole a menu and an ashtray. I have no idea why, I was hammered by this point.
Next stop...hotel and bed. well first we had our very last nightcap at the hotel bar.
Tuesday: hungover, airport, shitty plane food. I proceed to get very, very sick. I spend the next three days in bed.
blech.
It was so worth it. Good fuckin times.

names...

Paris pics from day 3

pics from day three.

Paris, day 3

Saturday morning begins with our wake up call at the proper time. We figured out how to do it automatically through the phone system thereby eliminating any human error. We are up and out by 11. We stop off at a wonderful patisserie for breakfast, then a cafe on St. Germain for cafe and cigarettes. By this time I am chain smoking like a mutha fucker.
hmmmm cigarettes.
We decide to follow the Seine down to the Latin Quarter and hit the shops of Ile St. Louis. We stop off at the Musee D'Orsey because we are walking by it and there aren't any lines. I really had no desire to go to this museum. Working at the MFA gave me plenty of opportunity to see impressionist paintings. The building, however, is what won me over. It is truly worth the price of admission. It is the old train station with a cavernous barrel vaulted ceiling. And I will admit to seeing work that I otherwise wouldn't have. Manet's Olympia, lots of great Lautrec's that were phenomenal and a very gay painting of Jesus and the apostles which was "supposed" to be Plato, yea right. I'll post a photo of it and you guys can be the judge of that one. It took us an hour and a half to get through it. We stopped and had lunch at a Canadian themed pub. They had an Ontario radio station playing with hockey on the televions. Lunch was very mediocre but we had beers which helped.
We decided to head over to Notre Dame. Walked through and was suitably impressed. The Catholic in me forced my hand and I gave some change to the nun sitting by the door. C was pissed at me for that one.
We moved on to the Ile St. Louis. This turned out to be my favorite part of the city. It is like Beacon Hill on an island two hundred years before the yuppies moved in. Lots of cheese shops, butcheries, and art galleries. I'll post a couple of photos.
From there to the Institute of Arab culture and through the Latin quarter to the Pantheon and the Sorbonne. We then walked down to the Luxembourg gardens and back up the Rue de Bac to our hotel to rest tired bodies before hunting for dinner.
Dinner was another trek. Back across the river towards the Place de Concorde. We were on the hunt for a place to have cocktails before dinner. No luck. We eventually ended up over by the Hotel Normandie across from the Louvre. We had dinner at a place called the Cafe de Montegrosso. It was an Italian restaurant. We sneaked in without reservations much to the Matre de's consternation. Shortly after we sat the place filled up and he bagan turning people away. The place was fabulous. Food was amazing. Service, not so much. I was lucky to have the wall seat which offered up much in the way of people watching.
We headed back to the hotel satiated and a bit drunk. Finished the night at the hotel bar.

names...

More of day 2

Paris pics, Days 1 & 2

I just wanted to put up some photos of our adventures on Thurs & Fri.

names...

Paris...briefly Part 1

okay, here is the travel report. I'll make it succinct for the benefit of all of us.

Day 1.
Arrive at 6 am, in cab by 6:30, sit in early morning traffic for the next 45 minutes.
Get to the hotel and huzzah! our room is ready. we go up and crash for a few hours.
Get up around noon and head to the right bank.
Lunch: little smoke filled cafe in Les Halles. I have a french ham and cheese sandwich with a side of cigarette smoke and a 4 euro Coke. reminder to never order soda in a restaurant in France.
We head to the Pompidou and spend a few hours wandering the Big Bang Show. We see the Bill Viola piece "Five Angels of the Millenium." it is amazing as I expected.
We spend the next few hours wandering the right bank before heading back to the hotel.
Dinner: Le Bistro De Paris. Fucking fabulous restaurant. Right out of a French photograph. Old school waiters in black and white, escargo, etc...Escargo, hmmm. I had two. not so much. a little chewy for me. but my roast chicken was kick ass and we finished it off with a creme brule. I have my first French cigarette. It tastes sooooo good!
ended the night with drinks at the hotel bar.

Day 2.
The hotel programs our wake-up call wrong and we get it at 7am instead of the 9:30 we asked for. We proceed to fall asleep and don't wake up until 10:30. A little hung-over.
We head over to the Louvre area for lunch. we decide to treat ourselves and go to the the Buddha Bar. The Buddha Bar is supposedly this trendy hip expensive place in the midst of all of the couture shops. It sits behind the Hotel Crillion. It was pretty amazing. we were afraid it would be packed with tourists but it was all business peeps. Best of all, no Americans. Except for us. We are seated at a centre table right at the base of the stairs to the dining room. We can see everyone as they enter, and judge them accordingly. I spot my first French mullet. It was not pretty. The guy was wrestler big with a mullet to match. It was a sight to behold. Food was good too but I regretted not getting sushi. The sushi display was amazing. They also had the best spring rolls I have ever had! I ended up getting a stirfry beef thing. We left two hours later and a hundred Euros lighter.
We proceed to the Swatch shop because we realise that neither of us has an idea how to gauge what the time is. C buys a watch. I try to convince him to purchase the Mona Lisa Swatch but he is having none of that. He doesn't have a sense of humour. I am tempted by a Tin Tin watch.
We window shop our way to the Louvre.By the way January and February are the best times to shop in Paris. Everything is on sale, everywhere! We hadn't planned on shopping so I restrain myself but next winter...look out bitches we'll be back!

Back to the Louvre: I am about to test my Museum wandering skills. It is 3 in the afternoon and they close at 6. Can we see enough in three hours? It is a challenge I rise to! Luckily most of the galleries I am interested in are closed. That would be the ancient Egyptian relics. I'm a little pissed but it does make our jaunt much quicker. I am transfixed by the David's. I have studied French classical painting a bit in art history classes but to see them in person was un-fuckin-believable.
We manage to cover a lot of ground before they start kicking people out.
We head to the left bank and look for a bar. We end up at this American/Canadian/Australian themed bar simply because we have to pee. They don't have Guinness but a reasonable alternative. It is fucking freezing in this place. No heat. We have one beer and head out in search of dinner. We stop off and have a few beers at this random Irish bar with a giant Guinness mounted out in front.
Dinner: Chez Gandhi. An Indian restaurant in Paris. I just thought the name was funny. Food was good though. I had the Vindaloo which was not nearly hot enough for me.
I should point out here that by this time (late night Friday) almost noone has spoken English to us. C and I are having to make due with pidgeon French. Its amazing just how far one can get with "yes," "no," "thank you," and "please."
We make last call at the hotel bar. As it is Friday night the Americans have begun arriving at the hotel. There are a couple of extremely messy women, I think from New Jersey or Long Island, very loud and drunk in the bar. They bum cigarettes from us because they don't want to buy a 10 euro pack from the hotel.
More to come.


names....

home again, home again

we are back from Paris. I had quite a lot to blog about but I proceeded to get violently ill late last night. Being trapped on a plane with a bunch of oldy American tourists probably did my immune system in. I refuse to believe it was the fact that I spent the past 6 days eating and drinking fancy French food.
I'll be back later to post my museum/restaurant report.

names...

B-Side myself

tomorrow is the big day. off to Paris. I can't seem to identify the source of my discomfort with this trip. it is no longer strickly financial as I my stipend deposited today. So I am a few hundred dollars richer.
I actually think I am stuggling with just what Paris represents. not so much for me but art historically. I have a hard time grasping it and I feel that I am going to have to in the short span of six days. It is something I haven't been able to describe till now. Paris just represents so much. It is beyond what it is and I am scared to be disappointed. I know that it isn't the city represented by Sartre, Lacan, Wilde, etc...insert name here. NYC used to affect me that way.
And I no longer have those feelings when I visit NYC. But believe me, they were there the first time. It was three in the morning, I had an interview at the Pratt Institute at nine the next morning, and my friend M and I decide that we aren't going back to Brooklyn (where we were staying). We were going to drive back into the city, specifically village and go to Stonewall. This is after we have driven down from Prov with my (now) ex, big KG and M. We park in a no parking zone (clueless out of towners) and KG proceeds to get hammered at Nancy's place in Park Slope (where we were staying). Now, this is many years ago when the Slope was not so nice and expensive, think more crackheads and bars on windows. She passes out and we all decide to head into the city where Nancy's roommate is bartending at "Planet Hollywood!" We spend several hours drinking for free. M and I leave the group as they were on their way to hardcore drinking. I was trying to be good and go back to Brooklyn! Which brings me back to our Stonewall decision at 3 in the morning. I couldn't be in the city without going to Stonewall.
We manage to park somewhere off of Christopher St. and head over. And it is just like every other gay bar I have ever been in. Pretty close to every bar I have ever been in. Except for the male strippers and porn on the TV. but otherwise...
I expect Paris to be like that moment. Just like everything I have seen only slightly different. I say this having spent most of my life moving from place to place and country to country.
I will have my moment at the Louvre and other museums. I plan on drinking great coffee and great wine. I am hoping that the food will be much better than Berlin. German food? not so much...one can only eat so much fried white fish and sausage.
Perhaps I'll try escargo again? It has been almost 10 years since the last time!
Tonight we went and had dinner and beers at the B-Side. First we dropped the kitten off at the sitters which was sad. She didn't seem to give a shit, just had new stuff to smell. But I miss her now that I am sitting at home, up late and alone.
She will be fine. Its kinda scary how much I miss the cat already.
The B-Side was great. We saw some peeps we know. had dinner. was craving Indian all day but I knew that the last thing I wanted was an upset stomach before getting on an overnight planride. Those bathrooms are not the spaces to be having bowel issues! seriously!
I'll try and post from Paris. Just to keep you all updated.

To finish the NYC story: We had a beer at Stonewall. Headed back to Brooklyn. Found KG up and watching TV. drank someones beers in the fridge. Slept on the kitchen floor while ignoring the roaches crawling over us. Everyone came back at about 5 or 6 in the morning. KG, M and I went over to Pratt that morning. Parked completely illegally at this police station. I interviewed with some guy and this Korean girl gave us a tour of the campus. It was horrible. They had a pretty cool library, all ninteenth century and shit. but otherwise...GHE-TTO! The campus was surrounded by housing projects. The poor girl didn't really speak english. We were hung over!Not good overall. Not impressive. We were so outa there. I didn't get accepted to Pratt but after the tour I was very, very glad not to have.

names...

Paris, you bitches

January is at an end. I just got an email detailing the due dates for the various stages of my thesis. I tried not to let it stress me out.
I went and saw King Kong. Mixed feelings about it. I felt that the love story was more believable than that of Brokeback. seriously. Perhaps it was that the acting was better? not sure.
I really wanted that "young sailer" to get killed. God damn it. he was fucking annoying! Just die already and stop holding up the narrative! Christ!
C and I are off on our very first vacation together this Wed. We are off to spend a week in Paris. I am a little stressed out by it. Don't really know why. Some of it is purely financial. I don't have a lot of money so all I can think about is how expensive the trip will be. and I don't know any French.
I am excited about taking photographs while I am there. I haven't shot for quite a while. it will be nice to have something to print.
we'll see how it goes.

names...

where to begin?

I want to talk about a couple of things. several things spring to mind immediately. The fist thing is Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch because it happens to be on VH1 at the moment. I was in LA a few years ago with my friend A. We were staying at her friends house in Brentwood. She was a lawyer and was born and raised in LA and her family were all lawyers. She told us that George Clooney was gay. not a big surprise. She knew because her father was a lawyer for Rosemary Clooney and the whole family knew, didn't care, not a big deal. What was interesting and relates the whole story back to Marky Mark was that, at the time Mark Wahlburg was making his mark(pun intented) as an "actor" and according to her was in a quite the affair with Mr. Clooney. To the point where their respective managers were telling them to stop hanging out in public together. I love telling this story because everyone goes..."oh...yeah! I get it!"

there is more but I am off to bed. had a fabulous expensive dinner for free this evening. details to follow...

names out.

Brokeback tedium

oh stupid paper writing. I thought I had a handle on this paper when I left the library yesterday...now I have no fuckin clue what I am writing about. damn it.
We went and saw Brokeback Mountain last night. I feel like I should post some thoughts about it because I really didn't like it. I wanted to, believe me I did. However, I walked away having experienced a gay film made by straight people for straight people. the audience was full of those uber-liberal Cantabridgian couples. I'm sure feeling oh so hip and cool by seeing a "gay" film. People were crying and quiet and wistful at the end. there was lots of hugging in the theatre. C and I argued quite a bit afterwards. He liked it. I felt that it was trite and downright unbelievable. I didn't believe that they were in love with each other. I didn't see any character development. Even their "first time" having sex made no sense! I expected better of Ang Lee. on that note, it was beautifully shot.
I was very disappointed. But I am sure the straights love it!
I hope that its success doesn't subject us all to another round of heartfelt gay films where someone dies and the other lives on in a sex-less and isolated way that is meant to be interpreted as brave. blech!

names...

another paper due

It seems appropriate that I post something today as I have to finish a paper (well, start it and finish it really). Technically it is due Tuesday so I am only procrastinating a little bit
Got back last night from two days in NYC. I went down early thursday morning. Its pretty scary when catching a 6 am train is fairly easy. It must mean something, like perhaps I am crazy or not drinking enough? Schlepped out to Queens MoMA and spent the day in the library doing research. it went like this:
1. sign into a building resembling an old warehouse only painted bright blue.
2. put stuff into a locker.
3. grab a spot at a table crowded with pushy female academics who are taking up more than their share of space.
4. print out the books you want from a laptop.
5. Sit and wait for an hour and wonder why I haven't gotten any of the books I requested.
6. finally go and ask librarian why.
7. have him tell me that it was up to me to move my printouts from the printer to the basket where the attendants grab and go.
8.restrain myself as both printer and basket are within two feet of said librarian.
9 resort to sarcasm in a vain attempt to get this asshole to feel bad.
10. resume waiting for books.
11. after an hour and a half receive books and begin reading.
that was MoMA.
Trucked back to town and went to a few gallery openings in Chelsea. Had dinner with my thesis advisor. She had one too many martinis and proceeded to question me on my life plans. I have none. I was merely planning on another glass of wine!

Friday was another fun day. I saw my first shark-skin and ivory table. I got to use it as my desk while spending 6 hours watching early video art from the late 60s and early 70s. it felt really weird. I kept running my fingers across it. I have felt a dead shark before but this must have been some fancy pants shark because I haven't seen shark skin like this. It was dark grey and had rather irregular bumbs that had been leveled down to make patterns. very strange, very expensive and completely useless in my book but then I am not a gazillion-aire venture capitalist. I guess when you are rich you have to search to find shit to spend money on.

Back to my paper...perhaps after more coffee.

names...

ohhh pointless nostalgia

I don't know what is going on with my life. It would be presumptuous to think of it as a real crisis but somehow I feel it is. I have submitted all of my applications. I am now dealing with letter writers who are having their own dramas and weren't able to write my letters. Of course they could have told me this two months ago when I wasn't past a deadline but then they are artists...
I love her (my letter writer)and I think she is a fabulous artist but she has over committed herself. I have to tell her that she kinda screwed me and I would have been better off if she had been honest way back when. god damn it.
anyway they are all in. If my letters don't appear is it my fault?
I have to say fuck it at this point.
C and I went out drinking tonight. we went to our normal place, Flash's. we hung out with a fireman. he bought us beers. Good times.
I think that my problem stems from a life change. Do I find a job? do I carry on with school? I just don't fuckin know.
I realise that in the scheme of the world these decisions are relatively minor but I am feeling really unfullfilled right about now.
Does this make existential crisis number 501?
As an aside I bought the Judas Priest box set. it has proven to be very entertaining. I am watching/listening to the concert dvd from 1982. It perfectly compliments my Rush dvd.
I am having flashbacks to my days in a Priest cover band. I really loved singing these songs.
god damn I am one cheesy mother fucker.

names...

procrastination is a muther fucker.

I return once again. I am procrastinating. I like it.
I don't have much to say. I had another restless and relatively sleepless night. I don't know what my problem is. I think I feel another existential crisis coming on. It could just be the stress of having to actually start writing my thesis. It's no problem. I have three months and it practically writes itself! I also have a paper due and these damn applications. it's funny writing these statements though. I kinda feel like I don't really care one way or another. I am so indifferent about school right now. This was a bad semester. I feel intellectually drained. I am sick of reading and writing. what the fuck happened? (you might be asking? both of you) Well I just don't know. I think I took on a bit too much. I averaged about 1500 pages or reading a week. is that a lot? it didn't seem like it at the time. Because this is me...all I do is read. I can't stand still for five minutes without reading something. It drives C crazy. Subway, cab stand, airport. if I have the time to spare I will read. I have even taken up reading and walking. Very dangerous but I have yet to smack into anything or anyone.
I think I am done with the Yale app. I don't care about this one. the guy who ran the grad program was a total douchbag to me. fuck em...

names...

all puffed up with vanity

So the end of December has arrived. I really didn't think I would survive this long. The month was brutal. Several very difficult papers and PhD applications had to be done. I actually have two to finish at this moment. I prefer to procrastinate and pay attention to my much neglected blog. I'd like to think that this is warming up. Perhaps it is?
After a week in Ohio at C's family I have returned to my usual spot in the Sloan library. I feel like I have created an ass groove for myself here. Two straight weeks of sitting here writing have had an effect I'm sure. I am still trying to recover from Ohio. I am getting more accustomed to being there for the holidays. It has been three years in a row at this point. However, C's mother still insists that we play the "roommates" game for his father. The poor man is old but he isn't stupid. You would think that after three years they would give up. I try to be the good doobie and play nice but it is a little frustrating. You would think my parents would have the issue since they are military. I guess there are some things that growing up in New England make more palatable. I keep forgetting that the mid-west is a whole 'nother world. To compensate for the weirdness C's mother goes on a shopping spree insisting on spending an equal amount on both C and I. This is something that I find very uncomfortable. I don't like people buying me things. If I want something I'll buy it. I don't do forced shopping. His mother made me search store after store until I found something I wanted. Like I said...weird. My parents will give us a x-mas card and that is pretty much it. Maybe we'll go out to dinner someplace nice in Newport but otherwise that is it. And I am fine with that.
C's mother did buy me the book "Traveling Music" by Neil Peart, the drummer from Rush. I read it in two days. Great fun, great memoir. I am now in the midst of a rush music surge which hasn't happened in quite a while. It awakened the music nerd in me. I recently moved all of my Rush to my iPod but I am missing a few albums so I might head to Newbury this evening and catch up.
Topher's top 5 lists have also made me realise that I don't own any led zeppelin. I might have to go and get the box set.

I should get back to my statements...
blech!

names out.

Existential crisis #301

It is December and I feel it in every bone in my body. I'm giving up the NYC travelog because far too much time has passed and too much has gone on since. C and I went to Naples, Florida over Thanksgiving. it was very odd and I spent some time sitting by the pool. We dranks a whole lot and basically just shopped. I hate shopping by the way. With C and his friend K (whom we were staying with) avid shoppers I had my patience tested. We came home only having to mail a couple of things. ugh!

I have spent this week avoiding and working on my PhD applications. I think I am really out of my fuckin mind with this. Do I really want to spend the rest of my life in school? No one is pushing me towards this. I just don't know what I am doing.
Its coming at the wrong moment. Right now I am really sick of being in school. I know this will fade. I am just burnt out but what if I'm not? Sometimes I wish my brain didn't work this hard...

names...

NYC part whatever

Okay, Saturday in NYC. C is arriving at 11 or so I thought. I am up at 8 or so. L is up and doing her stretches in the living room and I lie on her couch, hung-over, chatting while she does. She heads off to run in the park. Side note: she partner runs with blind people through the park, how cool is that?
C calls and tells me that he missed his train due to the T and is now taking the Accela. He'll arrive at 11:40 instead of 10:40. Thank god he missed his train cause I would have been hella late!
I get up and shower. Head out stopping to have the hung-over special (McD's b-fast) and start walking towards midtown. I have several hours so I figure I will walk it. I do a quick breeze through Macy's Herald Sq. my first time. I fuckin hate it. Too many people, too many of them tourists and even more of them Brits who don't have a fuckin clue other than their dollar is stronger than ours, bitches!
I end up in a Starbucks a block over from Grand central. I have homework so I sit and read. I have an hour or so. There is a guy sitting a few seats away from me. I am at the window bar looking out on 7th ave. A woman stops and strips off her coat to reveal a novelty T-shirt and whips out a statue of liberty foam hat. She proceeds to have her picture taken with a NYC cop. several actually. I don't get it. I understand it but I don't get it.
A few moments go by. A older woman comes and sits next to me. The seat next to her is occupied by this guy who is chatting with random people. Momentarily left alone he turns and asks me what I am reading. I tell him. He wants to know why and so I tell him (I am reading an essay on the early history of television). He proceeds to tell us (the woman has now sat and joined the conversation) about his life as a new professor of history at Fordham on the upper west side. His specialty is the history of coffee. We all laugh at the irony. He then makes this weird tangential twist towards his own history as being from Texas and now residing in NYC, then leaves. The woman and I proceed to talk a bit about how odd he seems. She turns out to be an actor, at which point I am trying to identify her. She is wearing a baseball cap and pretty non-descript clothing. But then that means nothing. NYC is now a city of the rich and the famous. You tend not to notice them because everyone else is so loud and annoying. Just when the conversation gets interesting C calls and wants to know why I am not outside GCStation as he is waiting and looking for me. For once Amtrak is on time! I say my goodbyes and regrets. I don't get her name but she was pretty cool.
C and I head uptown to L's apartment
We drop off our stuff and proceed to walk over to the east side to have lunch. I have to be at the Guggenheim at 3. Wander a bit, complain about the fuckin bridge and tunnel people and end up having lunch at this non-descript diner on 80th and Lex. C heads off the the Met and I am off to the Gugg.
I meet my classmates and have our class with Jennifer Blessing, the curator. We hang out and watch the performance (which I will not go into here, I had to write a paper about it). I stayed a couple of hours and then went to meet C and L for dinner. It was a huge debate about where we were going to go. We ended up staying on the upper west and went to Citrus. It was great, weird combination of sushi and Mexican. From there we went to Bin71, a little wine bar and drank some more.
Ended up at L's watching the Simpsons. L is a huge fan, almost as huge as KG. It was fun.

We crashed at 2:30.

names...

whoops

okay, so I got distracted and never completed my NYC tale.
After Weinstein we went to New Line Cinema. I really liked this company. They seemed to know what they are doing. They made buttloads of money from the Lord of the Rings series but haven't grown at all. They keep themselves small. The marketing guy still only had two assistants! Unfortunately the bean-counter guy did all the talking and I started to snooz!
Atari was after a quick lunch at some little place in Mid-town. I have never seen a company that had almost no clue what they were doing. It is really a shame to have that corporate legacy and to sit on it. Idiots.
Finally there was The independent Film Channel. This was fun. The CEO was a hoot. However, I asked several questions about the role of film festivals in their programming decisions and they said "none at all." Bullshit. What am I? A rube?
That was the day in a nutshell. Afterwards Ilya dragged me to the Toys-R-Us in times square at 5:30 in the evening on a Friday! It was fucking crazy! Apparently the Harry Potter kids and Lindsey Lohan were appearing on TRL so Times Sq. was packed with pre-pubes! arg! I could have killed him. I have never hated more people on the planet! We escaped to some pub on 10th Ave and grabbed dinner.
From there I jumped in a cab and headed to Chelsea for Bill Viola's opening. Once again I seemed to gravitate to a building that is determined to hold every single person in the city at one moment! I met up with William, his sig other, and ME, my old boss. Chatted for a bit and then headed over the Eyebeam to see a Christian Marclay performance. Hung out. Ran into this really messy curator that I had met at a luncheon in Boston. He was hammered at 8 in the evening. Not that there is anything wrong with that...But he is a curator for a major art collection owned by some extremely wealthy people. Perhaps that is all he has to do? Travel and drink...Wish I could do that shit!
Saw a couple of faculty, avoided them. Watched the performance which was pretty interesting. Left after the first one and headed to our Sloan reception at the Chelsea hotel bar.
Spent way too much money, hung out with my friend Tracy, ended up at some gay bar.
cadged the express back uptown, grabbed a slice of pizza and went back to L's place.
and that was Friday.

more later...

NYC, Sloanies and Me

Friday. The day of the CMS\Sloan Media trip. I was up at 7 watching L do her stretches on the living room floor. She is a marathon runner and is now in physical therapy for her knees. Shocking right? She is also a lawyer. Harvard undergrad/Harvard Law; hardcore New England liberal. A sassy broad. She kicks ass. We didn't get to hang out till Saturday night.
I got dressed, wore the suit pants but not the jacket. Too damn cold on Friday. Jumped on the 1 and headed to Chelsea. We were meeting at 8:15 at a Starbucks south of Houston. met up with Ilya and the gang. Our first stop was Weinstein Co. Formerly known as Miramax. Till Disney bought it and wouldn't let them take it. There is a message there. Met with the SVP of Finance and the head of marketing. Bullshitted and watched some trailers. They were a little stressed. Their fist big release was Friday and it wasn't getting very good reviews. Derailed, heard of it? I had but hadn't read anything about it. Have no real desire to see it. My friend T zapped them good during the Q&A. They kept going on about independent cinema, blah, blah, blah and she asks them if they are so independent how come they're aren't any black people in their films. They were kinda stumped and gave really bad answers like "we really rely on the foreign market and black films don't make money internationally" shit like that. The look on their face...priceless. They brought up their recent purchase of a tranny film as an example of diversity which of course got me started. I said that I was very eager to hear their strategy for that film! Nothing! I think they were glad we left.
oh and one big thing: There were several mentions about being late and how if you were going to be then don't come at all just meet at the next company. We actually gave a $100 deposit in case one of us fucked up. It would literally cost us. We had a very big window this morning. Meet at 8:15 and head to the company at 9, as a group. This one ass-clown calls the team leader at 9 while we are signing into security. He says "I'm almost there!" She tells him not to come and to meet us later.
So we are all sitting around a conference table on the 18th floor of this building. At 9:35 this guys opens the door and comes and sits at the table! We were all kinda flabbergasted. I would have gone and gotten breakfast and met up at the next location. The leader was pissed! She didn't say anything there but I am sure he got an earful later and lost a hundred bucks to boot.
idiot.
I want to work for Weinstein. They make cool movies and everyone in the office was wearing jeans.
to be cont...

n.

NYC pt2

had lunch with S. Saw her new fancy offices, pretty sweet although they had those low wall cubicals that seem to be all the rage in corporate land now. I don't get it. I guess it means don't pick your nose or look at porn at your desk!
had a great conversation with her. sometimes I think she is making my job much harder and sometimes much easier?? I don't get it. She's awesome.
From there I walked up fifth to the Guggenheim to spend the evening with performance art. I was once again pretty early so I spent some time at the Met. I wandered around the Renaissance rooms and checked out the Fra Angelico show. Crazy monk painter in the late medieval/early Renaissance. One real stand out painting is Jesus with red eyes sweating blood. some crazy shit. There hasn't been a large show dedicated to him in the US since 1959. If in NYC go and check it out. They were also in the early stages of setting up the big christmas room. Which I love! Big tree, gothic ornaments. crazy, creepy statues. good times.
Went on to watch Marina Abromowiz perform. She was recreating Vito Acconi's Seedbed piece from the early seventies. It was interesting until millions of people showed up and proceeded to block the view, take up space, talk and in general annoy the fuck out of me. I was very amused by all the young "art school" kids looking serious and writing in their journals. Oh I remember when that used to be me. The mismatched fashion, the distinct lack of bathing, the seriousness. oh wait, that's me now!
(I'll spend some time later discussing Marina. I had to return Sat night to watch another performance with my Harvard class.)
I took off and headed back to the west side. Crazy me. I walked from the Guggenheim at east 92nd and fifth ave to west 71st and amsterdam. My feet were fuckin crazy hurting! but that is the fun of NYC. walking everywhere and seeing some crazy ass people. I hit the big Barnes and Noble at Lincoln Center to hunt down the book I had to read by Saturday morning. No luck. In fact I went into about 5 bookstores in the city looking for this fuckin book (because I forgot to pack it! It was sitting on my dining table) and no one had it. its fuckin NYC and they still tell you to get it from Amazon. go figure.
I treated myself to some great sushi. I tend to do this when I am out and about alone as C isn't as big a fan of sushi as I am. I could eat that shit every damn day and night!
Went looking for my old gay bar hangout on the west side. Its gone. the west side is all yuppies and pottery barn now. it used to be great restaurants and bars. Now it is all families. The gays have gone bye-bye. I think that they may have moved farther north to Morningside Heights.
Went back to L's place and rested up for a very long Friday.

to be cont...

n.

Back from NYC

ah, back from the big city. so much to talk about. probably a little too much for one blog. I'll try and keep it succinct.
day one, part one: Accela to NYC. I am never taking the regional train again! the Accela is so much nicer. sure its forty bucks more but damn it was clean, comfortable and only took 3 1/2 hours. Dropped my bags off at my friends place on the upper west side and headed to MoMA for my meeting. I was having lunch with one of the thesis committee members who is a curator of film and media at MoMA. I was a bit early so I walked around the museum a bit. Crazy packed! I've never seen so many people there! It was amazing for a thursday afternoon! Checked out their new media space which was a bit disappointing. Two great artists Michael Snow and Sam Taylor Wood. Sam's work always involves hot guys. I should mention that she is a woman not a gay man as I initially thought when I first saw her work. she has that sensibility. The work was nice but the room sucked. One little room set aside for video seems a bit of a waste for an institution like this. I decided to leave the museum and head up fifth for a bit. Again, kind of a bad idea, the street was packed! I went into the Disney store, bad idea #3. It was a freakin zoo! I made a single loop and fled out to the street. It was about this point that I was ready to start smacking people!
Luckily I got a call that S was ready to meet with me.
I grabbed lunch for us and headed back to MoMA and her office.
to be cont...

n.

and baby makes three

So C and I have added a child to our household, an eight week old blue point siamese cat.Her name is Mame. She is very cute and a complete terror! I haven't had a kitten around in quite a while. I had forgotten what a handful they are. I hope to turn her into a fat lazy cat as soon as possible!
We drove out to Ohio to pick her up. Spent three long days in a car. One day out and two back. Stayed in a really crappy hotel off of I90 in Syracure. It was really nasty and the cat wouldn't shut up all night long. I believe that there were some nasty animal smells going on in that room that she really didn't care for. There were some that I didn't care for either! blech!
This begins my crazy travel month. I am off to NYC for our CMS/Sloan media trip on Thursday. I also have to be there for my Harvard class. We are meeting with the curator of the Guggenheim on Sat.
We had to pick which companies we'd prefer to meet with last week. The list was fairly short but had some good names. I got all of my first choices somehow...
I'll be meeting with Weinstein Co, New Line Cinema, Atari and the Independant Film Channel. I bought a suit just for this day. I believe I ranted about it some days ago. Turns out that we are to dress "business casual" damn it! I'm wearing my suit anyway. I'll just leave out the tie. I am so not doing the khaki thing! If I make people feel bad because I am somewhat dressed up then to god damn bad.

ugh! Mame is calling me.

later,

names...

my life or something like it

so I am taking this class on memoir. By the end of the semester we are supposed to have some sort of story written about our lives. I think I might have to use this blog as a test site. I'm not sure how this will play out. I feel secure knowing that only two people read this. and I trust them both completely. However, I always felt my history was rather complicated. Knowing my audience, I believe that all of our lives are complicated. Perhaps the illusion is that lives are simple? We move through them with the belief that our experiences are singular. but perhaps the very fact that we are human and grew up in a heavily mediated culture leaves a common mark upon us all?
I sit here at one in the morning listening to seventies music. Old school Michael Jackson is playing in the background. I remember being very small, I was always the shortest person around. I believe I was under five feet tall well into my teens, perhaps until I was 17? Stupid short French genes.
I guess I was 11 or so. I shared a room with my brother (much to his embarrassment I am sure). He is significantly older than me, about 8 years. The year is 1980. At the time I am a huge fan of both disco music and Star Wars. There is a guy in our neighborhood who dresses up as Darth Vader. he is my brothers age. he does not hang out with my brother, he wants to hang out with me. I thought that was really cool. We played Star Wars. I was Luke to his Darth. Sometimes he would dress up as Spiderman or Captain America and do store events. I thought this was normal, kinda cool in fact. My parents did not agree. I was really sick at the time. I had pretty chronic asthma. I believe that this is why (to this day) I don't smoke cigarettes. I would steal my father's Kools and pass them to my sister and her friends. I wasn't supposed to run or play outdoor games that might even require a fast pace. My parents kept a watchful eye on me. Any site of me running and I was dragged into the house kicking and screaming.
Anyway, the point being my parents vigilence with my behaviour. They finally forbade me from hanging out with this guy. They started to think that he might be a little creepy. I didn't get it. Creepy how? they wouldn't say.
Flash forward a few years. This guy is in jail. it started with him peering into people's windows, a little bit of peeping tom thang. Unfortunately it escalated into him being caught with young boys of the neighborhood.
I don't mean to conflate the whole costume thing with pedophilia, it seems in poor taste given that it is Halloween and all. but that is my story and I am sticking to it.
Annoyingly enough I seem to attract many of these "caring older folk" as I become a teenager. And they are caught being child molesters. Thank god I was unattractive and misanthropic from the start.


names...

P.I.M.P.

okay, I let another month go by. It has been rather busy and stressful. One good thing. I am now the proud owner of a suit. the first I have owned since I was eighteen. And the first that cost more than a months rent. actually it was about three months. but I look damn sharp. and I will never, ever shop for another suit if I can help it. it has to have been one of the most excrutiatiing experiences of my life. It ranks up there with the GRE's. First stop was Brooks Brothers, where else does one go for suits? Sucked! the salesman was maybe 20, 24? completely unhelpful. assclowns! I wasn't about to give them my money.
On a whim we went into Ralph Lauren. I tried on one suit that was extremely sweet. the price was more than three times what I wanted to pay but I couldn't believe the way it fitted. it was fuckin amazing. that shit had my name on it. I put it on hold and said I would be back.
from there we went to Saks. I was waited on by an extremely messy woman. think older, overweight Jewish grandma with blue eyeshadow. I couldn't believe she was selling suits! who the fuck hired this woman? it was horrible! and the suit were so bad! I remember a year or so ago I would go into Saks and drool over the Prada suits. beautiful! Now it is fuggly Dolce and Gabbana suits made for raps stars or euro-trash. Closest I came was an Armani but it made me look like a pimp in a boxy kinda way. blech!
So, two days later I am back at RL meeting my salesman, James, and I buy a suit that cost more than all of my clothes combined! All in the name of corporate America. On Nov 11th my department and a bunch of Sloanies head to NYC and have out day long Media Corporation meet-a-thon. Over the course of the day we will be meeting with the recruiting for Sony, Bertlesmann, Viacom/MTV, Virgin, Atari, Nintendo etc. My suit will be put to work.
I went and picked up the suit today. I was talked into a tie to accent it. Not really talked into it because I know that once I put it on, I would buy it. The first tie I have ever bought and it cost me a hundred bucks. I'll be wearing this muther fucker to the grave.
In other news, I went down and visited Yale this week. It was open house for the Art History department. My meetings started at 9, thank you very much. I was up at 4:30 and on the train at 6. I get in at 8:45, grab a coffee and cab it over. I met with the interum grad director. one word: douchebag. it is nine in the morning and I have been up for 4 hours already (coffee on the train, reading, didn't sleep) and I have to deal with this guy who is actively trying to discourage me from applying. Dude! Fuck you!
At lunch with a grad student I learned that that is this guys modus operandi. he is basically there to weed out people. scare them away. I'm sorry but I was really insulted.
And then there is the campus of Yale. I took major photos which I will post when I can find the time.
It reminded me of Disneyland. It was fake and real at the same time. It was like a dream version of a college campus. Like what you would build if you have the money and the inclination. I think it was in comparison to MIT. MIT is completely utilitarian. there is no time for fancy, gothic architecture. The library (at Yale) looked right out of the fourteenth century, but clearly it couldn't be! it was so weird! no wonder people who go there are so fucking trapped in a WASP illusion. so, next day I am walking across my own campus and I see an woman with a hardcore, sixties flip that refuses to move in the gale force winds that go streaming across the quad followed by a bald man with a long ass beard riding a uni-cycle and chatting on his cell phone. I am a long fuckin way from New Haven and Yale. thats a good thing people. MIT may be full of socially awkward freaks but at least it isn't some weird, wanna-be American Oxford full of Abercrombie zombies that I want to destroy with a blow to the head.
long story short. I will apply and it will be an extremely long shot, seriously. I just don't think I am Yale material.
thank fuckin god for that!

ah, I got nothin else.

names out...

I got nothing

oh my, what a day. I was up at 6 to be at Saks by 8. a catered event for breast cancer. Ms. Elisabeth Hurley was in attendance along with 200 messy, messy Boston socialites. Yowza! no matter how many times I work a party at Saks I will always be astounded by bad bad outfits and plastic surgery! Where are all the attractive rich people? do they not live in Boston? Are they too busy to be at this event? perhaps they don't even exist in person? beauty is the ultimate fabrication. it can't be contained only chased. Certainly there were many gay men working at Saks helping messy rich women look for it! I tried to flirt in the vain attempt to get a discount on that Prada suit that I really, really need!.
Oh well. I left as everyone sat for lunch and hopped in a cab to make it to class in time. Very weird, one minute messy rich women the next I am hoofing it across Harvard Yard to talk about seventies performance art. How fucked up is my life?
then I spent the evening at the grad colloquium where they discussed the virtues of LOST vs. Buffy? Dude, I swear I haven't smoked pot in weeks. but at the moment it would help me make sense of my life.
instead I went home and cooked dinner and downed a bottle of wine.

Music of the moment is: Sting (stupid fuckin VH1 Classic)

names...

Comments about Bali

okay. I feel like I have to comment on this shit because I don't think Americans realise how fucked up these bombings are. Like many others growing up in Australia, Bali was this shit! The only American equivalent is probably Jamaica or Cancun. But not really because Indonesia is a much more complicated place.
So please picture this: you are hanging out in a beautiful tropical setting, cocktail in hand. Maybe a little buzzed, smoked a bit a grass. Then someone goes and blows shit up. Now, I am more than willing to admit that all those bitches on Girls Gone Wild Cancun should probably be blown the fuck up, and if I was a hyper religious person I would be extremely offended that they were hanging out on my land but god damn, blowing people up is some evil shit. Especially people on vacation. You know they saved up money, worked lots of hours at some shitty job so they could spend a week high in a tropical paradise. You want to make some change through explosions, then blow up the mother fuckers in charge. People staying at a Holiday Inn Bali are not deciding Australian Foreign Policy. Thats for damn sure.
I don't think this event is being given the exposure it deserves on US television. its really offensive.
Just wait. It will happen in Cancun, it will happen where we least expect it.

off to bed

names...

just another mutha fuckin day

so Tuesday doesn't turn out as bad as it could have. I did blow off the gym. I haven't gone since Friday and am feeling extremely fat at the moment. Don't care. I am cutting red meat out of my diet and am substituting beer. its working so far. I am sticking to chicken and fish and beer. We'll see what happens. I am about 15 pounds overweight. I try to convince myself that I am simply getting heavier as I get older due to heavier bones. I don't think that shit flies unless I am growing bones in my gut. its doubly annoying as I am surrounded by anorexic nerds. young twink ass muther fuckers.
Slowly gathering data on grad schools. Was to have a meeting with a prof at Stanford today. fucked up the time translation. For some reason I read it inverse and so did she. She accepted the blame due to jet lag. I let her as she actually confirmed the time with me via email. I still felt like a retard. Nice to know that she did too. She gets points for that. Actually at this point Stanford is kinda tops. I like the work she does and they give full funding. You can't top that shit. I am not too sure about Palo Alto though. I hope to make a trip out in November and get a face to face. C has been there and said the campus is amazing. I just don't know. I am heading down to Yale in a couple weeks. Princeton is still an unknown but word on the street is they are spending a whole lot of money on their art department and faculty. As much as I hate to say it I wish there was a program at MIT. Despite the fact that my experience has been kinda annoying I DO get to do what I want. that is pretty big.

Vito Acconi was on campus today doing a presentation. He is famous for buiding a fake floor in a gallery and lying under it masterbating as people walked around the gallery. He was miked so they could hear everything. Straight men do it in a gallery and it is art. Gay men do it in a public restroom and get arrested. what the fuck? He has a crazy stutter and so do his assistants. it would be funny if it wasn't sad. I am meeting all these "seminal" artists from the seventies and they all look about ninety years old. I'm sure the sixties and seventies were great but god damn! You pay for that lifestyle shit. In the immortal words of Rick James "cocaine is a hell of a drug."
On a side note Marina Abramovic is recreating some famous performance pieces at the Guggenheim in November. One of them will be Vito's piece noted above, the title is "Seedbed." Gross
I'll be there. To continue this side note, my Harvard class HAS to attend this performance series. Since it is a requirement of the class Harvard will pay for one night of hotel in NYC. I said "Harvard will pay for one night stay in a hotel in NYC!" Can you believe that shit? That is out of control! I am totally taking advantage of it, of course but still! god damn! pay for my hotel bitches! I'll spend that money drinking at Cock!
Now the question is: where will I be staying? I think that the fuckin Hudson is in order. I love that hotel!

okay, enough for now.

names out...

beer is food

ugh, Tuesday. it's back. It feels like it was only yesterday that I was bitching about it. Thankfully it is a Jewish holiday so one of my classes is cancelled and I am not going to the other one. So there is less to bitch about today.
It is probably a good thing though. I had a shitload of reading to do (please, who assigns 500 pages to read in a week?) which I never got around to doing. C and I spent the week in an alcoholic haze. We started Friday evening at Flash's with friends where I began my drinking journey with a Maker's Mark Manhatten. I stopped drinking these for a while as I began to dislike the taste. but absence seems to reinvigorate the tastebuds. hmmmmm good. Since I am a lightweight I had two then switched to beers for the rest of the night. Its why God invented cabs. we drank for several hours then went out to dinner where we drank more. It was Grif's birthday. thats all we needed to know. Let the drinking commence! We were booted out of the restaurant by the staff. I was ready to keep drinking but everyone wussed out. We ended up walking home. I tried to convince C that we should stop by the Grad bar as we just happened to be walking past it. Alas, we went home and crashed. Well, C crashed, I had another beer and put the Simpsons season 5 on.

Saturday I worked cater-waiter, or the gay national guard as C calls it. I believe he stole that from Will&Grace. Neighbors had a party. I arrived shortly after midnight and proceeded to drink until 4 when I stumbled back to our place. There was a couple at the party that needed to be talked about so I had to hang out until they left. It was one of those unfortunate gay man/girlfriend couples. I just assumed they were the typical best friend relationship but no! girlfriend and gay boyfriend. Too bad. Perhaps he was simply the effeminate heterosexual? they do exist, somewhere. But he was WAY gay. poor girl. I'm sure she knows. How can she not? I chock it up to the fact that people make relationship choices that suit them pyschologically. Its best not to even go there. Sad thing is that someday they'll be married and he'll be cheating on her in some restroom or maybe at the gym.
Who knows? I tried to be extra gay to inspire him that it would be for the best if he just came out. I live to serve.
Sunday was way hung. I got dragged to Target by C and in retaliation I dragged him to the B-Side. Guinness is the only cure for a hangover. Stayed too long, went home and cooked dinner at 10. felt like big city folk.
tried catching up on my reading yesterday. did quite a bit. then we went back to the B-side. I just had to.
Now it is Tuesday, god damn it!
Perhaps a visit to the B-side tonight?

names...

Dude! I made the seventh level of hell! kick ass!

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

and I am horrified to discover that he is a nerd!

crap, it's October already. I don't know if I can deal with that fact.
So the two week period of corporate schmoozing is over. I have applied for an associates position at McKinsey. We'll see if anything comes of it. I have absolutly no idea whether or not it will. Honestly I don't even care. At this point I am starting the process of applying to Phd programs. I have limited it to 5. I only really want to apply to 3 but C is giving me a hard time about it. I am just being lazy. Five applications? that is a total pain in the ass. For Masters I only applied to two! and that was annoying enough.
whatever. I am off to Yale in a week or so to take a look at their program. I ran into a friend of mine who just finished his MFA there and he gave me the scoop. There is only one person there who is worth studying contemporary art with. Pretty much everyone else in the art history department is pretty entrenched in their own little world. Don't even mention the words contemporary or post-moderism in their presence. Their philosophy department is pretty old world as well. Nothing exciting going on. Plus, it is New Haven. nuff said.
I am speaking with a professor at Stanford on Tuesday. I am actually taking a class at Harvard with a former student of hers. She seems cool. But I don't know about Palo Alto. It does seem like MIT on the west coast but I am not so sure that that is a good thing. MIT hasn't exactly been ringing my bells lately. Speaking of MIT here is the story in this weeks Tech about my run in with anti gay slogans on campus.
Then there is Princeton. I don't know if I could handle Princeton. I get the feeling that the students would be more annoying that Harvard undergrads. There is only so much self centered elitism I can handle. I'd constantly have the urge to smack people. Of course that happens on a daily basis at MIT but for different reasons. Sometimes I just can't handle nerds. Sorry to say. I reallise that I am one, however there is only so much I can take.

more later,

names out...