And just how did I get here?

So today I had one of those days where I question what I am doing. This was prompted by my saying (quite loudly, I might add) to a co-worker that whatever happens at work doesn't matter cause it's not like it is my "real" job. Completely forgetting that, yeah, it kinda is! They pay me, a lot of money, and while I was intent on dissing my self in a "self-deprecating" kinda way, she took it the wrong way.
Understandable!
But it lead me to a larger examination of just what I am doing. What am I doing? Am I killing time until I go back to school? Am I killing time until I can make art because C is going to be making all the money and I can be the "artist" partner? What exactly is going on? I want to know. I want to know just what the fuck my own brain is thinking. What got me here? Do I really want to go back to school, get my phd, write and teach? Nothing this semester put me on the track to want to teach. Perhaps it was my own inexperience? I have taught film/video production, sound, editing but teaching an actual class that consists merely of lecture and with no technological component? Hard. H.A.R.D. Hard as a muther fucker. I remember when I taught the pre-college program. I felt like every day I was winging that shit. was I? Did they learn anything? The problem is that those students had to make a video. These kids don't. They have to write a paper and that is what I critique. Hard. H.A.R.D.
But do I want to sit at my desk and run reports for some annoying ass clowns? I like a lot of the people I deal with. But then again there are some people that I want to beat down into the ground!
Ah. I don't know what I am babbling about. I am up late, tired and dealing with a cranky C. I need to get my ass to bed.

names

Ugh! Winter.

So it appears that winter is finally here. I look out the window of the office next to mine and watch the snow pass by vertically. Should be a nice ride home. The ride in this morning was as annoying as it always is when the weather sucks. Lots of people decide not to drive. They pile their overweight bodies into the MBTA train and subject us daily commuters to their cluelesness. These are the people who have no idea that there is a small degree (very small - cause this is Boston) of etiquette involved in taking the subway. They pile in invariably weighed down with a large backpack that increases the amount of square footage that they occupy by at least threefold. They enter the train and pause, spinning in place, trying vainly to decide which direction to go in. Thereby holding up the entire loading process by blocking said entrance. The crowd begins to gather behind them growing increasingly agitated as they too would like to enter the train and stand in such a manner. It is about this time that I am prompted to change my music from something soothing and calming to a genre decidedly more aggressive. It does not improve my attitude towards the masses. I hate them so much.
On an up note this weekend went very well. I purchased the new Futurama film on DVD this weekend. They are releasing a series of films that at some point in the future will be divided up and screened as new seasons. It was extremely funny. More so than the Simpson's movie of the past summer. It is clear which show has the better writers.
We also watched Delicatessen. I had seen it before but C had not. Some of my students are presenting on the film this coming Thursday. It really is one of my favourites. C prefers Amelie but this one is much darker in tone - which is my preference. Jeunet really is a wonderful director.
I have to watch Fellini's 8 1/2 this week as well. Probably will do that one tonight. I haven't seen it in over a decade. Looking forward to it.