Monday, October 31, 2005

my life or something like it

so I am taking this class on memoir. By the end of the semester we are supposed to have some sort of story written about our lives. I think I might have to use this blog as a test site. I'm not sure how this will play out. I feel secure knowing that only two people read this. and I trust them both completely. However, I always felt my history was rather complicated. Knowing my audience, I believe that all of our lives are complicated. Perhaps the illusion is that lives are simple? We move through them with the belief that our experiences are singular. but perhaps the very fact that we are human and grew up in a heavily mediated culture leaves a common mark upon us all?
I sit here at one in the morning listening to seventies music. Old school Michael Jackson is playing in the background. I remember being very small, I was always the shortest person around. I believe I was under five feet tall well into my teens, perhaps until I was 17? Stupid short French genes.
I guess I was 11 or so. I shared a room with my brother (much to his embarrassment I am sure). He is significantly older than me, about 8 years. The year is 1980. At the time I am a huge fan of both disco music and Star Wars. There is a guy in our neighborhood who dresses up as Darth Vader. he is my brothers age. he does not hang out with my brother, he wants to hang out with me. I thought that was really cool. We played Star Wars. I was Luke to his Darth. Sometimes he would dress up as Spiderman or Captain America and do store events. I thought this was normal, kinda cool in fact. My parents did not agree. I was really sick at the time. I had pretty chronic asthma. I believe that this is why (to this day) I don't smoke cigarettes. I would steal my father's Kools and pass them to my sister and her friends. I wasn't supposed to run or play outdoor games that might even require a fast pace. My parents kept a watchful eye on me. Any site of me running and I was dragged into the house kicking and screaming.
Anyway, the point being my parents vigilence with my behaviour. They finally forbade me from hanging out with this guy. They started to think that he might be a little creepy. I didn't get it. Creepy how? they wouldn't say.
Flash forward a few years. This guy is in jail. it started with him peering into people's windows, a little bit of peeping tom thang. Unfortunately it escalated into him being caught with young boys of the neighborhood.
I don't mean to conflate the whole costume thing with pedophilia, it seems in poor taste given that it is Halloween and all. but that is my story and I am sticking to it.
Annoyingly enough I seem to attract many of these "caring older folk" as I become a teenager. And they are caught being child molesters. Thank god I was unattractive and misanthropic from the start.


names...

Friday, October 28, 2005

P.I.M.P.

okay, I let another month go by. It has been rather busy and stressful. One good thing. I am now the proud owner of a suit. the first I have owned since I was eighteen. And the first that cost more than a months rent. actually it was about three months. but I look damn sharp. and I will never, ever shop for another suit if I can help it. it has to have been one of the most excrutiatiing experiences of my life. It ranks up there with the GRE's. First stop was Brooks Brothers, where else does one go for suits? Sucked! the salesman was maybe 20, 24? completely unhelpful. assclowns! I wasn't about to give them my money.
On a whim we went into Ralph Lauren. I tried on one suit that was extremely sweet. the price was more than three times what I wanted to pay but I couldn't believe the way it fitted. it was fuckin amazing. that shit had my name on it. I put it on hold and said I would be back.
from there we went to Saks. I was waited on by an extremely messy woman. think older, overweight Jewish grandma with blue eyeshadow. I couldn't believe she was selling suits! who the fuck hired this woman? it was horrible! and the suit were so bad! I remember a year or so ago I would go into Saks and drool over the Prada suits. beautiful! Now it is fuggly Dolce and Gabbana suits made for raps stars or euro-trash. Closest I came was an Armani but it made me look like a pimp in a boxy kinda way. blech!
So, two days later I am back at RL meeting my salesman, James, and I buy a suit that cost more than all of my clothes combined! All in the name of corporate America. On Nov 11th my department and a bunch of Sloanies head to NYC and have out day long Media Corporation meet-a-thon. Over the course of the day we will be meeting with the recruiting for Sony, Bertlesmann, Viacom/MTV, Virgin, Atari, Nintendo etc. My suit will be put to work.
I went and picked up the suit today. I was talked into a tie to accent it. Not really talked into it because I know that once I put it on, I would buy it. The first tie I have ever bought and it cost me a hundred bucks. I'll be wearing this muther fucker to the grave.
In other news, I went down and visited Yale this week. It was open house for the Art History department. My meetings started at 9, thank you very much. I was up at 4:30 and on the train at 6. I get in at 8:45, grab a coffee and cab it over. I met with the interum grad director. one word: douchebag. it is nine in the morning and I have been up for 4 hours already (coffee on the train, reading, didn't sleep) and I have to deal with this guy who is actively trying to discourage me from applying. Dude! Fuck you!
At lunch with a grad student I learned that that is this guys modus operandi. he is basically there to weed out people. scare them away. I'm sorry but I was really insulted.
And then there is the campus of Yale. I took major photos which I will post when I can find the time.
It reminded me of Disneyland. It was fake and real at the same time. It was like a dream version of a college campus. Like what you would build if you have the money and the inclination. I think it was in comparison to MIT. MIT is completely utilitarian. there is no time for fancy, gothic architecture. The library (at Yale) looked right out of the fourteenth century, but clearly it couldn't be! it was so weird! no wonder people who go there are so fucking trapped in a WASP illusion. so, next day I am walking across my own campus and I see an woman with a hardcore, sixties flip that refuses to move in the gale force winds that go streaming across the quad followed by a bald man with a long ass beard riding a uni-cycle and chatting on his cell phone. I am a long fuckin way from New Haven and Yale. thats a good thing people. MIT may be full of socially awkward freaks but at least it isn't some weird, wanna-be American Oxford full of Abercrombie zombies that I want to destroy with a blow to the head.
long story short. I will apply and it will be an extremely long shot, seriously. I just don't think I am Yale material.
thank fuckin god for that!

ah, I got nothin else.

names out...

Thursday, October 06, 2005

I got nothing

oh my, what a day. I was up at 6 to be at Saks by 8. a catered event for breast cancer. Ms. Elisabeth Hurley was in attendance along with 200 messy, messy Boston socialites. Yowza! no matter how many times I work a party at Saks I will always be astounded by bad bad outfits and plastic surgery! Where are all the attractive rich people? do they not live in Boston? Are they too busy to be at this event? perhaps they don't even exist in person? beauty is the ultimate fabrication. it can't be contained only chased. Certainly there were many gay men working at Saks helping messy rich women look for it! I tried to flirt in the vain attempt to get a discount on that Prada suit that I really, really need!.
Oh well. I left as everyone sat for lunch and hopped in a cab to make it to class in time. Very weird, one minute messy rich women the next I am hoofing it across Harvard Yard to talk about seventies performance art. How fucked up is my life?
then I spent the evening at the grad colloquium where they discussed the virtues of LOST vs. Buffy? Dude, I swear I haven't smoked pot in weeks. but at the moment it would help me make sense of my life.
instead I went home and cooked dinner and downed a bottle of wine.

Music of the moment is: Sting (stupid fuckin VH1 Classic)

names...

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Comments about Bali

okay. I feel like I have to comment on this shit because I don't think Americans realise how fucked up these bombings are. Like many others growing up in Australia, Bali was this shit! The only American equivalent is probably Jamaica or Cancun. But not really because Indonesia is a much more complicated place.
So please picture this: you are hanging out in a beautiful tropical setting, cocktail in hand. Maybe a little buzzed, smoked a bit a grass. Then someone goes and blows shit up. Now, I am more than willing to admit that all those bitches on Girls Gone Wild Cancun should probably be blown the fuck up, and if I was a hyper religious person I would be extremely offended that they were hanging out on my land but god damn, blowing people up is some evil shit. Especially people on vacation. You know they saved up money, worked lots of hours at some shitty job so they could spend a week high in a tropical paradise. You want to make some change through explosions, then blow up the mother fuckers in charge. People staying at a Holiday Inn Bali are not deciding Australian Foreign Policy. Thats for damn sure.
I don't think this event is being given the exposure it deserves on US television. its really offensive.
Just wait. It will happen in Cancun, it will happen where we least expect it.

off to bed

names...

just another mutha fuckin day

so Tuesday doesn't turn out as bad as it could have. I did blow off the gym. I haven't gone since Friday and am feeling extremely fat at the moment. Don't care. I am cutting red meat out of my diet and am substituting beer. its working so far. I am sticking to chicken and fish and beer. We'll see what happens. I am about 15 pounds overweight. I try to convince myself that I am simply getting heavier as I get older due to heavier bones. I don't think that shit flies unless I am growing bones in my gut. its doubly annoying as I am surrounded by anorexic nerds. young twink ass muther fuckers.
Slowly gathering data on grad schools. Was to have a meeting with a prof at Stanford today. fucked up the time translation. For some reason I read it inverse and so did she. She accepted the blame due to jet lag. I let her as she actually confirmed the time with me via email. I still felt like a retard. Nice to know that she did too. She gets points for that. Actually at this point Stanford is kinda tops. I like the work she does and they give full funding. You can't top that shit. I am not too sure about Palo Alto though. I hope to make a trip out in November and get a face to face. C has been there and said the campus is amazing. I just don't know. I am heading down to Yale in a couple weeks. Princeton is still an unknown but word on the street is they are spending a whole lot of money on their art department and faculty. As much as I hate to say it I wish there was a program at MIT. Despite the fact that my experience has been kinda annoying I DO get to do what I want. that is pretty big.

Vito Acconi was on campus today doing a presentation. He is famous for buiding a fake floor in a gallery and lying under it masterbating as people walked around the gallery. He was miked so they could hear everything. Straight men do it in a gallery and it is art. Gay men do it in a public restroom and get arrested. what the fuck? He has a crazy stutter and so do his assistants. it would be funny if it wasn't sad. I am meeting all these "seminal" artists from the seventies and they all look about ninety years old. I'm sure the sixties and seventies were great but god damn! You pay for that lifestyle shit. In the immortal words of Rick James "cocaine is a hell of a drug."
On a side note Marina Abramovic is recreating some famous performance pieces at the Guggenheim in November. One of them will be Vito's piece noted above, the title is "Seedbed." Gross
I'll be there. To continue this side note, my Harvard class HAS to attend this performance series. Since it is a requirement of the class Harvard will pay for one night of hotel in NYC. I said "Harvard will pay for one night stay in a hotel in NYC!" Can you believe that shit? That is out of control! I am totally taking advantage of it, of course but still! god damn! pay for my hotel bitches! I'll spend that money drinking at Cock!
Now the question is: where will I be staying? I think that the fuckin Hudson is in order. I love that hotel!

okay, enough for now.

names out...

beer is food

ugh, Tuesday. it's back. It feels like it was only yesterday that I was bitching about it. Thankfully it is a Jewish holiday so one of my classes is cancelled and I am not going to the other one. So there is less to bitch about today.
It is probably a good thing though. I had a shitload of reading to do (please, who assigns 500 pages to read in a week?) which I never got around to doing. C and I spent the week in an alcoholic haze. We started Friday evening at Flash's with friends where I began my drinking journey with a Maker's Mark Manhatten. I stopped drinking these for a while as I began to dislike the taste. but absence seems to reinvigorate the tastebuds. hmmmmm good. Since I am a lightweight I had two then switched to beers for the rest of the night. Its why God invented cabs. we drank for several hours then went out to dinner where we drank more. It was Grif's birthday. thats all we needed to know. Let the drinking commence! We were booted out of the restaurant by the staff. I was ready to keep drinking but everyone wussed out. We ended up walking home. I tried to convince C that we should stop by the Grad bar as we just happened to be walking past it. Alas, we went home and crashed. Well, C crashed, I had another beer and put the Simpsons season 5 on.

Saturday I worked cater-waiter, or the gay national guard as C calls it. I believe he stole that from Will&Grace. Neighbors had a party. I arrived shortly after midnight and proceeded to drink until 4 when I stumbled back to our place. There was a couple at the party that needed to be talked about so I had to hang out until they left. It was one of those unfortunate gay man/girlfriend couples. I just assumed they were the typical best friend relationship but no! girlfriend and gay boyfriend. Too bad. Perhaps he was simply the effeminate heterosexual? they do exist, somewhere. But he was WAY gay. poor girl. I'm sure she knows. How can she not? I chock it up to the fact that people make relationship choices that suit them pyschologically. Its best not to even go there. Sad thing is that someday they'll be married and he'll be cheating on her in some restroom or maybe at the gym.
Who knows? I tried to be extra gay to inspire him that it would be for the best if he just came out. I live to serve.
Sunday was way hung. I got dragged to Target by C and in retaliation I dragged him to the B-Side. Guinness is the only cure for a hangover. Stayed too long, went home and cooked dinner at 10. felt like big city folk.
tried catching up on my reading yesterday. did quite a bit. then we went back to the B-side. I just had to.
Now it is Tuesday, god damn it!
Perhaps a visit to the B-side tonight?

names...

Monday, October 03, 2005

Dude! I made the seventh level of hell! kick ass!

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
LevelScore
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very High
Level 7 (Violent)Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)High

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

Saturday, October 01, 2005

and I am horrified to discover that he is a nerd!

crap, it's October already. I don't know if I can deal with that fact.
So the two week period of corporate schmoozing is over. I have applied for an associates position at McKinsey. We'll see if anything comes of it. I have absolutly no idea whether or not it will. Honestly I don't even care. At this point I am starting the process of applying to Phd programs. I have limited it to 5. I only really want to apply to 3 but C is giving me a hard time about it. I am just being lazy. Five applications? that is a total pain in the ass. For Masters I only applied to two! and that was annoying enough.
whatever. I am off to Yale in a week or so to take a look at their program. I ran into a friend of mine who just finished his MFA there and he gave me the scoop. There is only one person there who is worth studying contemporary art with. Pretty much everyone else in the art history department is pretty entrenched in their own little world. Don't even mention the words contemporary or post-moderism in their presence. Their philosophy department is pretty old world as well. Nothing exciting going on. Plus, it is New Haven. nuff said.
I am speaking with a professor at Stanford on Tuesday. I am actually taking a class at Harvard with a former student of hers. She seems cool. But I don't know about Palo Alto. It does seem like MIT on the west coast but I am not so sure that that is a good thing. MIT hasn't exactly been ringing my bells lately. Speaking of MIT here is the story in this weeks Tech about my run in with anti gay slogans on campus.
Then there is Princeton. I don't know if I could handle Princeton. I get the feeling that the students would be more annoying that Harvard undergrads. There is only so much self centered elitism I can handle. I'd constantly have the urge to smack people. Of course that happens on a daily basis at MIT but for different reasons. Sometimes I just can't handle nerds. Sorry to say. I reallise that I am one, however there is only so much I can take.

more later,

names out...