Thursday, November 23, 2006

Back again eh?

So, I am back. It has been a while. I haven't felt the urge to write in some time. I realised that I hadn't posted anything since October! Time flies when there is shit happening in one's life. Several things have occurred since my last post. C's sister and friend visited from Omaha, Nebraska. Which was interesting considering she only recently had been informed of his "lifestyle" choice and until recently had been the wife of a preacher. A preacher from a very small, extremely conservative sect of the Lutheran church. Needless to say, their divorce caused quite the controversy in their community.
The visit turned out okay. His sister was very nice and cool, her friend was a bit of a freak. Not to bust on people who like Ren fairs and Battlestar Galactica but there you go. That is what she was. A Ren fair loving, sci-fi digging, Bible-thumping woman from the heart of Nebraska. I got along with her. C and her got in an arguement over gay marriage at lunch one day. I basically made it my job to keep her out of his face so he could hang out with his sister. I'm cool like that. As long as we talked about travel and sci-fi it was cool. I dragged her to my comic store to keep her out of their hair.
Couple of pics are below.

This is the four of us at Forty Steps in Newport.
C's sister is in the white coat and the friend is in black. Nuf said.

This is the interior of the chapel at MIT. Designed by Eero Saarinen in the sixties.

There is more to add and talk about but it is time to head to the kin-folks for some turkey and angst. Got to love the holidays. This is the year when everyone will ask me what I am doing with my fancy degree and I get to talk about my fascinating temp job in the exciting field of data entry. I'm going to try and stay sober enough to drive home so I don't have to extend the conversation into the evening.
Fuckin holidays...

names out.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

I never thought I would be this happy for Wednesdays to arrive

Tonight is the season premiere of LOST. I am very, very excited. Although it makes for a very exhausting evening as we also have the reunion episode of Project Runway immediately after LOST. We have been hosting a PR party every week for most of this season (we missed a couple of days due to illness and exhaustion). We have tried to make each week themed according to whomever was cut the previous week. We did Cosmos when gay Robert left, then crazy food theme thanks to Vincent's long overdue elimination, and we had cheap beer and fattening snacks when Ohio farmgirl was cut.
Good times! There have been several Thursday mornings where I was a little unhappy with myself but otherwise it is worth it.
I am just looking forward to another season of hottie Matthew Fox.

He makes me weak in the knees (not to mention other feelings best left to the imagination). Oh dear, he is tempting enough to move to Hawaii and become a stalker.

I am really, really looking forward to tonight's television. Maybe Jack's captors will tear his shirt off! I'm especially psyched because I missed most of last season due to grad school. This time I will be sure not to miss a moment. And I have the free brain space to obsess about it!

oh TV! Is there anything you can't do?

names...

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Canada here I come

Our government just keeps getting better and better.
I'm starting to think that Canada might not be so bad. I might even start liking the cold weather.

Legislating Violations of the Constitution

Here is the first paragraph:

"With little public attention or even notice, the House of Representatives has passed a bill that undermines enforcement of the First Amendment's separation of church and state. The Public Expression of Religion Act - H.R. 2679 - provides that attorneys who successfully challenge government actions as violating the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment shall not be entitled to recover attorneys fees. The bill has only one purpose: to prevent suits challenging unconstitutional government actions advancing religion."

Welcome to the United Christian States of America.

names...

The me that isn't me.

Occasionally I waste a few minutes googleing myself (come on, like you haven't) and I decided to see if there were any images of me floating around the net.
I came across this scary version of myself. This is my life if I had gone to business school:




James A. Nadeau
Regional Managing Director, Southern Region
"James Nadeau is based in Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas and has more than 30 years of experience as a senior-level executive. Furthermore, he has been an executive search professional for more than 14 years. An authority in the manufacturing, distribution and services industries, Jim's proven expertise allows him to successfully advise EUI's clients on mid-level and senior-level interim managers as well as direct-hire executive search requirements.

Prior to joining Executives Unlimited, Jim served as Vice President-Southwest Region for IMCOR, a senior executive search firm in Dallas that was acquired by Spherion in 2000. Throughout his position at IMCOR, Jim was responsible for tripling the firm's executive placements. He has demonstrated his ability to excel as a high-level executive throughout his career and is a three-time award winner of the Performance Forum Award and received the Award of Excellence in both 2001 and 2002. In addition, he is President of the Dallas/Fort Worth chapter of the Association for Corporate Growth (ACG). Jim graduated from the University of Connecticut with a bachelor's degree in Business Administration."

I'd like to think that if given the opportunity I could be an authority in the manufacturing, distribution and services industries.

nah...

Friday, September 29, 2006

And so it begins

We are now securely on the road to fascism. With the passage of the new military trials bill habeas corpus is even closer to being removed from the legal process. As of right now it only pertains to foreigners and those holding green cards. It is a small step to using these powers against American citizens who simply disagree with what our government is doing. The Bush/Cheney regime will go down in history as the time when Americans lost most of their rights and freedoms all in the name of protection and fear.
Washington Post Article:
Many Rights in U.S. Legal System Absent in New Bill

A couple of quotes for you:
"Included in the bill, passed by Republican majorities in the Senate yesterday and the House on Wednesday, are unique rules that bar terrorism suspects from challenging their detention or treatment through traditional habeas corpus petitions. They allow prosecutors, under certain conditions, to use evidence collected through hearsay or coercion to seek criminal convictions."

"the bill empowers the executive branch to detain indefinitely anyone it determines to have "purposefully and materially" supported anti-U.S. hostilities."

"University of Texas constitutional law professor Sanford V. Levinson described the bill in an Internet posting as the mark of a "banana republic." Yale Law School Dean Harold Koh said that "the image of Congress rushing to strip jurisdiction from the courts in response to a politically created emergency is really quite shocking, and it's not clear that most of the members understand what they've done."

Most of congress didn't even read the bill. They simply passed it out of fear that they would seem "soft" on terrorism in an election year. Once again our politicians sell us out to the minority. Nice. Start looking for property outside of the US cause its one small step from hating and blaming foreigners to hating and blaming queers and people of color.

Andrew Sullivan posted a selection from Hillary Clinton's speech in response to this bill. It is amazing and I'm pasting it here:

"The light of our ideals shone dimly in those early dark days [of the Revolutionary War], years from an end to the conflict, years before our improbable triumph and the birth of our democracy. General Washington wasn't that far from where the Continental Congress had met and signed the Declaration of Independence. But it's easy to imagine how far that must have seemed. General Washington announced a decision unique in human history, sending the following order for handling prisoners:

Treat them with humanity, and let them have no reason to complain of our Copying the brutal example of the British Army in their Treatment of our unfortunate brethren.

Therefore, George Washington, our commander-in-chief before he was our President, laid down the indelible marker of our nation's values even as we were struggling as a nation and his courageous act reminds us that America was born out of faith in certain basic principles. In fact, it is these principles that made and still make our country exceptional and allow us to serve as an example. We are not bound together as a nation by bloodlines. We are not bound by ancient history; our nation is a new nation. Above all, we are bound by our values.

George Washington understood that how you treat enemy combatants could reverberate around the world. We must convict and punish the guilty in a way that reinforces their guilt before the world and does not undermine our constitutional values.

Now these values, George Washington's values, the values of our founding are at stake. We are debating far-reaching legislation that would fundamentally alter our nation's conduct in the world and the rights of Americans here at home. And we are debating it too hastily in a debate too steeped in electoral politics.

The Senate, under the authority of the Republican Majority and with the blessing and encouragement of the Bush-Cheney Administration, is doing a great disservice to our history, our principles, our citizens, and our soldiers. The deliberative process is being broken under the pressure of partisanship and the policy that results is a travesty," - Senator Hillary Rodham-Clinton.

It's about she got her shit together and talked the talk. Too bad it won't do any good. What was that about those ignorant of history being doomed to repeat it? Will we look back at the internet boom nineties like we look back on the Weimar period? Good times that gave way to demagogues and fascists?

Be afraid people, be very afraid.

Monday, September 25, 2006

What to read, what to read, darling?


I cannot help but follow in Mike's footsteps.
Thus I am tagged:
1. One book that changed your life: Chronicles of Narnia. Cheesy as it sounds, these books appeared in my life at just the right moment. I got them as a box set for my birthday in the midst of one of my families many movements around the globe and they became my travel companions across the oceans and continents. I remember that no matter where I was I always had Narnia. Seems cheesy now but as an eight year old dragged from airplane to island to airplane to some strange land they gave me continuity. And the Chonicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander. A series about an orphan in search of his history and the meaning of his life. Crazy books that meant a lot to me.

2. One book that you've read more than once: Way too many to name. I am currently in my third read of Asimov's Foundation books. Plus the fifth or sixth time with Raymond Feist's Midkemia series. And I have read Ayn Rand's Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged too many times to count.


3. One book you'd want on a desert island: The Fountainhead. I'd be inspired to figure out a way to either make myself king of the island or escape it!

4. One book that made you laugh: Robert Aspirin's Myth books. These are the funniest fucking fantasy books ever written. Good Omens takes a second place.

5. One book that made you cry: We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will be Killed With Our Families: Stories from Rwanda by Philip Gourevitch A book that everyone must read. I made my high school students read it. tragic, true and unforgetable. A heart wrenching read.

6. One book that you wish had been written: The absolutely true story of human existance without christianity.

7. One book that you wish had never been written: I gotta agree with Mikey. All stories must be told, even the ones we disagree with.

8. One book you're currently reading: Four of them to varying degrees: Jared Diamond's Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed; David Leavitt's The Man Who Knew Too Much: Alan Turing and the Invention of the Computer; Horkheimer & Adorno's Dialectic of Enlightenment; Asimov's Foundation's Edge.

9. One book you've been meaning to read: I've had Gore Vidal's Myra Breckinridge sitting on my nightstand for some time now. Got to get to that one.

10. Now tag five people: Tagging is soooo tacky darling. Besides I don't think that that many people even read this thing.

names out...

Sunday, September 24, 2006

The further adventures of action-temping-man!

The temping chronicles continues.
I have now moved from here:


to here.

I apologize for the shitty picture of the Hancock tower. I meant to bring my camera to work on Friday for the purpose of taking a picture for this post. But I forgot and so there you go.
I am now working for the Mercer Management Consulting company. I am temping in their recruiting division. I am entering thousands of applications into a database. 98% of these people will be rejected. Its kinda satisfying (in a sick way that makes me feel really good) to know that all of these kids with their Ivy league degrees will experience their first rejection and I will have had some small part in that. Its pretty amazing to read through their resumes and see these incredible experiences and know that most of them will not make it into the high-paying, high stress world of consulting. It actually makes me feel better about getting rejected from McKinsey. I quickly realised that I soooo don't want to go into consulting. Sure, the money is great but the soul crushing work pace and huge amounts of assholes you have to deal with kinda soured the deal for me.
One frustrating thing this week was that they started recruiting at MIT. They have NEVER recruited there. Now that my ass is sitting in a chair entering these fuckin resumes into the database they decide to open it up to MIT. I was sorely tempted to submit my resume and see what happens. The reason for this is that my supervisor has no idea of my background. The agency doesn't send my resume over for little jobs like this. So everyone around me thinks of me as just another idiot temp (an impressions I sometimes encourage because then people will leave me alone). I don't want to get sucked in though. I don't want to consult!! Never. ever.

On a good note I did get a callback on one of my resume drops. It is for a media and entertainment analyst at a company called the Yankee Group. I was to have an interview with the HR rep on Friday but she had to back out due to being double booked. Not a good sign. But then again HR usually doesn't attract the brightest bulbs. Who majors in HR management? People who found Communications Studies too hard that's who!
Anyway, the interview is now on Tuesday. I would be sooooo psyched to get this job. Hopefully I would be in the gaming and video division. But I would be happy with entertainment technology since that is what I analyse.

I am sitting here procrastinating once again over my writing. Sherry continues to harrass me about her essay. I got to get this shit done! but I am so over that fucking essay. Just publish it already! Leave me alone.
Weekend report:
C has been playing Lego Star Wars for-ever! I played Sim City yesterday for about 4 hours straight and ended up with total neck strain from hunching over my laptop.
Watched Fantastic Four last night. Not too bad. Acting was lame but couldn't tell if it was simply bad material or bad direction. The director clearly hasn't found out how to direct action sequences. What do you expect when you hire the director of Barbershop? Who was the fuckin wizard that hired him? Regardless Chris Evans' hotness and frequent shirtlessness more then made up for the films inadequacies. I could see why the film was so popular as well. It was simply cinema candy. It was like a bag of starburst. Full of flavour but ultimately empty. There were lots of "music video" aspects too it. It will be interesting to see if they rise above or tank with the sequel.

Okay...back to writing.

names out.

Monday, September 18, 2006

John Travolta isn't gay, He's European!

Another in the lastest series of "don't get caught being gay in public or people will think you are gay" stories.
John Travolta caught kissing another man
Pics spark more whispers about star's sexuality

The money line is:
"Travolta’s lawyer Jay Lavely told the New York Daily News: 'Travolta is a happily married man, which proves he isn’t gay.'"
Because married men don't have sex with other men and aren't gay. They're down low.
While I do think that people should be free to expose (or not) their own proclivities aren't we living in a time where being gay (or not) really isn't an issue? And seriously how could it endanger John travolta's career? He hasn't been worthy of tabloid mention since Pulp Fiction and how long ago was that? And how much hollywood capital does he have anymore? Its not like he is Tom Cruise and actually has a career.
Perhaps he will follow in the footsteps of Lance Bass and come straight "out" with his love of man flesh?

His lawyer issued this statement regarding the photo:
"As a manner of customary greeting and saying farewell, Mr. Travolta kisses both women and men whom he considers to be extremely close friends. People who are close to Mr. Travolta are aware of his customary, non-romantic gesture."

So he's one of those people...the kissy, kissy type.
names...

Sounds like someones got a case of the Mondays!

Oh dear, back to the grind. I don't know how long it takes to grow accustomed to this whole up early and off to work schedule but my body is really resisting. Granted it's been 10 years (if not ever) that I have had to maintain this schedule this consistently. I would do it during the summers while temping but that was only for the summers! I would gleefully return to my normal sleeping schedule come labour day! But it isn't stopping. There is no more school for me. No more MFA job that allowed me to stroll in at the comfortable hour of ten. NADA! Over, finished. The "real" world has intruded upon my life of leisure. For some reason they frown upon tardiness here. I get all of my day's work done in two hours and then spend the rest of the time farting around the internet. That is time I could be spending at home, sleeping, playing video games, all kinds of things.
damn it.

Speaking of games C bought the new Star Wars Lego game yesterday and spent much of the evening glued to his xbox. It is safe to assume that that will be standard behaviour for him for the rest of the week.
I on the other hand have been getting harrassed by people who seem intent on publishing my writing. I have two essays coming out in books this fall/spring and for some reason the editors seem to think that it is my job to re-work them! Isn't that why they are known as "editors?" One is a paper for crazy woman Sherry Turkle and the other is for a local arts group that has gotten funding to put together a book. I will be contributing the paper I gave at Duke in June.

Fuckin eh. Monday's suck. My head hurts and I hardly even drank any beers last night. it is worse than Sat morning and I drank a hell of a lot more on Friday.
Friday nights drink list:
four Guinness
Three PBR
Two Margarita
Two bud lights.
= fubar. cab ride home + pass out = good times.

There might have been more but that is all I can remember.
We got up Sat morning and made the left over mexican food for breakfast! Es muy bueno!
oooh! it is almost lunch time. I have to decide what I am going to have today. It's pretty sad that this is a barometer of how my day is progressing.

names...

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Killing time till five o'clock

So I snagged this from TK. I sit here bored at work. Figure I'll give it a shot.

NAME SIX THINGS YOU ARE ADDICTED TO:
1. Beer
2. Sim City
3. French Fries
4. The B Side
5. porn
6. Weed

NAME SIX THINGS THAT YOU ARE SCARED OF:
1. Failure
2. Debt
3. Sobriety
4. Open closet doors at night
5. My government
6. Old people

NAME SIX WORDS THAT YOU THINK SOUND FUNNY:
1. Mantaquilla (spanish for butter)
2. Cuidado (spanish for careful or lookout!)
3. cocksucker
4. Moist
5. fecal
6. Ho

NAME YOUR SIX FAVORITE PLACES TO SHOP:
1. Newbury Comics
2. New England Comics
3. Crate & Barrel
4. Saks
5. Harvard Book Store
6. Brooks Brothers

NAME YOUR SIX FAVORITE RESTAURANTS:
1. The Forest
2. Jae's in the South End
3. Ginza - Chinatown
4. The Palm
5. Davio's
6. Cheesecake Depository

NAME SIX THINGS YOU WOULD LIKE TO LEARN HOW TO DO:
1. Manage my finances
2. Speak French
3. Speak better German
4. Control my anger
5. Play guitar better
6. Fly a plane

NAME SIX SCENTS YOU LOVE THE SMELL OF:
1. Killer Bud
2. coffee
3. Gasoline
4. Red Door perfume by Elisabeth Arden (mom's perfume of choice)
5. Burning wood
6. Rain

NAME YOUR SIX FAVORITE OFFICE SUPPLIES:
1. Post its
2. Hole puncher
3. Power staplers
4. Gel pens
5. Binders
6. Giant binder clips

NAME SIX PROFESSIONS YOU WOULD SUCK AT:
1. Sales
2. Clothes retail
3. Athlete
4. Politician
5. Teacher
6. Admin

NAME SIX FAMOUS PEOPLE…THAT SOMETIMES…YOU WISH YOU COULD JUST PUNCH IN THE NOSE:

1. George Bush
2. Dick Cheney
3. Bill O'Reiley
4. Mitt Romney
5. Ann Coulter
6. About everyone I am forced to ride the T with in the morning.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Monday Monkey lives for the weekend



On Friday I began my seventh gig at Putnam. It lasts for ten days.
I am going to jam a sharp object into my brain -sort of a self made labotomy- to dull the pain. This one is slightly more interesting than the last one. I do have things to do. Reports to run, trades to monitor, stuff like that. It takes me about two hours. then nothing...
In honour of Sept 11 I am posting a couple of fireworks piz from the 4th of July. These were taken from our friends W & J's roomtop deck on Beacon Hill. It seems appropriate. In the late 18th century terrorists, I mean revolutionaries, decided to overthrow an authoritarian government. Sounds kinda familiar.
There is quite a bit online about conspiracy theorists centering on 9/11. A great deal of it sounds kooky and slightly insane but others make me go hmmmmmm in an Arsenio Hall kinda way.

This weekend was fun. We had aforementioned W & J over for dinner on Sat in celebration of W's birthday. We were to go out and have dinner in Harvard Sq. but realised that Harvard students returned this weekend. Yikes! So we stayed in and I cooked. A little stressful as I hadn't planned on it. But it turned out okay. W is a vegetarian so cooking for him is a bit of a challenge being the hardcore carnivore that I am. Food turned out okay and we all got hammered. Good times!
It's nice to have had this weekend since I am starting my diet today.
off to the salt mines!

names...

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Nothing really worth commenting on.

So I am no longer employed in the PRM division of Putnam. They finally realised that I had nothing to do and informed me on Wednesday that Friday was to be my last day. Nice.
I'm starting to get a little annoyed with my temp agency. Just as I get settled and caught up (somewhat) financially I get the shaft. I have to spend the next couple of weeks broke. I am not happy.
This situation is further complicated by the fact that C is quitting smoking. This is a good thing. But not an easy thing for either of us. It looks to be a long painful (and rainy) labour day weekend.
That's really all I got.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Welcome to ******, how can I direct your call?

I have resisted blogging at work for some time now. I just feel like I shouldn't. I don't want to be seen wasting my precious company's, I mean Temp agency's, time by jotting down my random thoughts here. However, I think I have finally reached my limit. They are clearly not going to give me something to do. I am the temp and therefore incapable of accomplishing anything during my 7 hours sitting at this desk. Other than scouring the seven daily online papers for something interesting to email along to my friends who have real jobs. On top of this they are starting to interview candidates for my temp position without thought to including me in said job filling exercise. Not that I want this job but hey! I would like to make more than a pittance if for no other reason that to justify my rather expensive graduate degree. So I return to the blog and foist my complaints upon you, all four of you.

I hate not having a real job. I hate having to step into the SVP of marketing and "fancy up" his emails because he doesn't know how to use his computer. No wait, I love that part. it demonstrates my ability to use key commands to bold and italicise his text. That is my technology degree from MIT coming in handy! Now I am being used to my full potential! God damn! I love it here!
Oh and of course I also get to use my massive scheduling skills. I am the mutha fuckin king of Lotus Notes! Look the fuck out! I'll get that meeting scheduled and in your calendar before you even have time to say "thanks..uh...what was your name again?"
Wait...what is that sound? I think it is my soul dying...
I need a fuckin drink.

names out.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Sweet dreams are made of this?



I've got nothing really interesting to talk about today. I was looking forward to sleeping in today. Yet I couldn't sleep beyond 8 am. I slept a measily hour beyond the time I get up every day. It was quite disappointing. I would wake thinking how late it might be, then I'd turn and look at the clock only to discover that it was just 7. I rolled back over determined to sleep more. In fact, I got a bit stressed about it; obsessively thinking that I just HAD to sleep in, like it was an assignment or something! I seriously need something to occupy my mind now that my thesis is done. I finally stopped having nightmares about the grade I will receive. My dreams last night consisted of an ex-boyfriend (who was as much an ass in my dream as he was in real life), a black cloud of a monster who ate the flesh off of people, and in the last hour, between 7 and 8, I clung to the roof of a brownstown and watched several people play and dance around on the adjoining roofs. One after the other they slipped and fell to their deaths.
Do you think I am in the midst of a life change and terrified of it? I'll save that one for my therapist.
So far I have applied for five jobs. Three here in Boston and two in NYC. Clinton is terrified of the New York jobs. They would certainly complicate things. I would have to contact my old circle of friends from the Museum School and start couch hopping. That would suck but the jobs would be interesting. Far more so than in Boston.
Next week I'll expand my search to Chicago and DC.
We hung out with our friends Cat and Anda at the B last night and they were somewhat shocked at the notion of us moving to the city. Not happy at all. But needless to say, these jobs are longshots. I imagine that HBO (where I applied) gets a zillion applications on their website. I don't have any personal contacts at HBO anymore. And those I did know were in distribution not production.

That's all I got. The photo above is of my friend Juniper. I took this while we were visiting a gallery in Berlin. She now lives in Brooklyn.

names out...

Friday, August 25, 2006

My shit is getting old

I have begun the job search. Technically what I am doing is searching online while at work. My new department thinks of me as the "dumb temp." The most complicated thing they have given me so far was photocopying and collating. They seem afraid to give me anything at all. It is very disturbing. But I am going to let it go as I feel this job, by necessity, has to be temporary.
I discovered this week that too much wine on a work night is not good. Our Wednesday night Project Runway get together involved far more booze than I had planned. I met C at Davio's after work where I had two too many cocktails. So good, but so dangerous. I was hammered by the time William joined us. After a quick stop at Savennors for cheese and the liquor store for more wine we piled into a cab and headed to our place. Then Ann and Dustin, our neighbors, came over and the festivities began.
Waking up yesterday morning was painful. I almost couldn't stand in the shower. I am getting too old for this shit. It made every minute of the day crawl by as I narrowly focused on 5 o'clock. I need to be more careful. I don't have the luxury of sleeping in anymore. School is really, really over.

damn it...

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Is this what my life has become?


I think I have reached the end of my patience with temping. As I sat aside my latest replacee, I came to realise that the euphoria of temping at Putnam was over. I believe it comes down to timing. I realised that this was it. I have nothing else. I have no classes to return to, no end of summer, beginning of fall transition excitement. Nothing. If I'm not careful this could be my life. It also seems that the higher I go at Putnam (in terms of admin anyway) the less work I have to do. My training was complete at 10:30. I had been there since 9.
I must use my time there to look for a "real" job. I have to find something that will give my life meaning or at least pay me enough so that I spend my free time inebriated. That way I won't notice my soul dying.

names....

Monday, August 21, 2006

Is this the end?

Back again in the blue-est of blue states. As disdainful of MA as I can be it does feel good to be back. Being someplace else makes me appreciate what I have living in Boston (or rather Cambridge). Sure, C and I will never be able to buy property or pay off our debt living here but it is still a nice place to live. Columbus is okay but not very exciting. Lots and lots of malls and freeways.

I have been thinking quite a lot about giving up this blog. I began it as a outlet for venting my frustrations with grad school. With that over I'm not sure what I want to write about and whether or not this is the proper venue for my ranting and raving. I am reluctant to give up the title though. Deleuze and his concept of "any-space-whatever" still excite me but seem a bit self indulgent when complaining about job hunting or my crappy temp job.

hmmmmmmm...

Friday, August 18, 2006

Travel tires me so.

So we are off to Ohio this weekend. I will shortly be leaving work and heading to the Purgatory known as Logan International. I am psychologically prepared for my anal probe by the Department of Homeland Security. It will be good times.
It's too people have to ruin travel. I love airports and traveling. But the people around end up being such shitheads that I can no longer do it sober.
I went and say Taladega Nights last night. It was really funny.
Cat wanted to see it so I bravely tagged along. We ended up having a in depth conversation about the film as a social critique of America. I'll write more later. I am currently sitting at my desk being paranoid about blogging. I might get the smack down from the Man.
Today is my last day in Fixed Income. On Monday I move on up to the 15th floor and begin working with the Marketing team. Should be interesting.

names...

Thursday, August 17, 2006

The Oh in Ohio.

It has been a while since I wrote something here. The past few weeks have been traumatising. My thesis is in and (somewhat) finished. Whatever its state, it is turned in and I am walking away from it. It might suck and it might not. I really don't care at this point. I'll take my grade, whatever it might be, and not look back.
As I begin looking for jobs I am realising that this degree might be worthless. Sure, I learned a lot but servicable skills? I think not.
I'm feeling a little bitter and exhausted right now so probably not the best time to be self-reflexive.
C and I are off to Ohio for his father's 80th birthday. Always an interesting time. I get to play "roommate" and we sleep in separate bedrooms. Good times.

names...

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Cursed Lightening Storm!

So I am finally able to post again. Our internet has been down for a while thanks to this wonderful lightening storm a week and a half ago. it actually struck in our courtyard frying several things in the complex. We were lucky and only lost our modem. Our neighbors lost several things, most notably their TV. That sucks.
When we did get the modem replaced I couldn't get the router up and running. Which meant I had no wireless so C and I were forced to share the desktop. That was lame. More so for him than me. Since I am back temping I can check my email all day long. His company has asshole IT people who have blocked all non-company email services. nice.
I understand why, I still think it is obnoxious.
So we saw Eagles of Death Metal and they were wonderful. Josh was not part of the tour alas. They had some young bleached blonde guy with a really bad haircut playing drums instead. And the bass player was all old and fat and strungout looking. WTF? But they did kick ass and put on a great show. We hung out to catch a bit of Peaches who ended up being horrible. It was like a Museum School show gone terribly wrong. I know you're thinking "is that even possible as they are all so bad to begin with?" Yes it is not only possible I witnessed it in action. She seemed very adamant to writeand perform only songs about her pussy. I guess that is her thang but it came across as puerile and annoying. Maybe its a generational thing. Having experienced punk and people like Wendy O Williams (rest her soul) as well as performance artists like Bob Flanagan I might have been more jaded than those at Avalon. Sure someone needs to sing songs about the power of pussies. But you know, do it better. A metaphor goes a long way. being so blunt is just plain lazy. Christ! Plus it was techno music so fuck that. I have a hard time believing that she opened for the Bauhaus/NIN tour. I would have asked for some of my money back or better yet arrived late.

So back temping at Putnam. They have nothing for me to do so I bring my laptop and stuggle to finish this fuckin thesis. I am so over it.
I volunteered at this games conference yesterday. I felt foolish doing it as I have so much work to do. But a day away from the thesis was probably good for me.
Everyone drooled over the fact that I work with Henry Jenkins. Now I like Henry. I love his work and I got to take his comic book class which was awesome!
That said, Henry was the guy I always had to go and complain to because he is department head. So our relationship was probably not one of fan-boy to fan-object.
Plus he always had absolutely no interest in my research topic. he was never mean or dismissive. It was simply an area of expertise that he didn't care to pursue.
So I simply nodded my head and said "yes, I am in Henry's department and yes it is awesome"
yaddda yadda yadda.
I was assigned to monitor the games room. it was first thing in the morning and no one had arrived yet so I spent two hours playingKatamari. This game is awesome. It is also extremely irritating and adictive. If you haven't experienced it go out now and buy it. It has been out for a while and should be cheap. It is so worth it! Plus the sound track of crazy Japanese pop music makes it even better!

back to writing.

names...

Friday, July 21, 2006

I want you so hard!




Once again our glorious MBTA irritates the shit out of me. I made a quick run to Harvard to take a look at some books I had requested from the archives. I am there maybe an hour then jump on the T home. Two stops. that is all I have to travel. Between Harvard and Central the train comes to a stop. I sit there reading listening to music. Nothing happens. 10 minutes pass. I take off my ipod in case they make an announcement, usually it consists of traffic ahead yadda yadda yadda. Nothing. Another 10 minutes go by. At this point I have finished the weekly rag I was reading and start getting annoyed. They finally announce that there is something wrong with the train. They are trying to get it moving, clearly unsuccessfully. Another 10 minutes goes by and we begin limping towards Central Square. They boot us all of the train into the crowd that has now gathered at Central waiting for us! I then proceed to sit at Central for another 10 minutes waiting for a new train. I look at my watch and realise that I could have walked home in the amount of time it took me to travel one stop.
Over an hour! that is how long it took me to get from Harvard to my house. Two train stops. The red line has gotten seriously ghetto lately. I used to think that the Orange line was bad but damn! Well, the orange line is still the worst. I had to take it to my job interview the other day but our beloved red line is catching up in the race to be the shittiest mass transit line in the city! Go red!!
Today I shlep once again to Harvard and I am there an back in an hour. WTF!
I think I am losing patience with this city.
I am off to see the Eagles of Death Metal tonight!! I am very exciting but bummed because I have no money so it will be a sober night out! I have to say that Josh Homme from Eagles and QOTSA is HOT! Alas he will be behind the drumkit tonight so no easy viewing. One annoyting this is that it is at Avalon. I fuckin hate that club. Overpriced drinks, snotty ass people.

names...

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Please, please, please, don't come to Boston, part 2.

This is why I don't have a car in Boston. You are just asking for trouble.
"Truck flips on Mass. Pike near Fenway Park"

What the fuck else can happen? Oops, I probably shouldn't have said that.

Responding to my own misanthropic post.

So I just read what I wrote after posting it and realised that perhaps I came across as a bit too...fucked up. I considered deleting it but then realised that, for whatever reason, I needed to write it. So fuck it, it's out there. But I also feel I must respond to it. As I feel perhaps a recognition of my own desire to wallow in a construction that is my own making. That is, my existence. In moments like these I find myself turning to the well known misanthrope Arthur Schopenhauer. This quote perhaps says a bit about my situation:

"Each person has a character of his own; hence the same motive has not the same influence on everyone, and a thousand small details which occupy the ample scope of one man's ken, while they are unknown to other people, modify its effect. For this reason a deed cannot be predicted on the basis of the motive alone, for the other factor is wanting: the close knowledge of the individual character, and of the discernment which goes with it."

The World as Will and Idea, p. 51.

I can understand a motive to do something but I can never understand what would drive someone to act on that motive. It actually isn't as dark a statement as one would presume to find with Schopenhauer. I'm not sure if I find it helpful but perhaps...

names...

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes it is something else...

It has been a while since I last posted. I think I got tired of complaining and writing, or complaining about writing. I still have nothing new.
As my deadline looms my insomnia returns. I finally dozed off around 3 and was awake at 7. I'm trying to think of that as a good thing. I got to stay up and watch part of Star Wars III, yay! But somehow I'd rather have a good nights sleep.
I am avoiding thinking about what happens after I finish my thesis. Although to be honest I hope that the first thing is at least eight hours of sleep. But I'm afraid it is bigger things than that. It is a whole lot of "what do I do with my life" existential crap that I am not very good at navigating. I'm thinking of returning to therapy. Well, if I get a job that has health benefits including it. I don't think it is in my budget to fork over money just to talk to someone for an hour a week.
I should be looking to C for an ear but sometimes my problems lie with him and sometimes with my relationship issues. Not to delve too far but trust will always be an issue with me. After 8 years of living with a drug addicted, lying, cheating muther fucker trust is extremely hard for me to come by. Even after three and a half years together I question and wonder. Certainly C is worlds away from S, intellectually, spiritually, all those things. But the problem is me and my purview.
Deep down I still believe that all people (with very few exceptions) are bastards who will stab you in the back if given half a chance.

Quote of the day:
"The flood of precise information and brand-new amusements make people smarter and more stupid at once."
Max Horkheimer & Theodor Adorno

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Please, please, please, don't come to Boston!


Holiday weekends are the worst in Boston. Make it a beautiful day and it all goes straight to hell. This week was torturous. I wanted to run screaming back across the river to nice quiet Cambridge. The city is mobbed with tourists. Clueless meandering meatbags setting out to make my life a living hell. Also school is clearly out so every teenager within commuter rail distance of the city makes their way to Downtown Crossing and the waterfront. Two areas I must traverse on my way to and from work. The photo above is the building where I work it sits in the heart of the financial district which is, of course, right on the water two blocks from the aquarium. My commute and lunch breaks are exercises in body-checking slack-jawed yokels.

Good Times!

We went to the B-Side last night and I had the opportunity to chat with this filmmaker David. His work has been screened on PBS and other places. He used to be an editor for Carpenter back in the early 80s. He made this amazing series that screened on PBS this past spring called "Country Boys." We have been calling him Count Dracul because he has salt and pepper hair that sweeps back and he has a large moustache. He turned out to be a really nice guy. A little kooky, but very interesting. I tend to think that all filmmakers are a little kooky. I think it is in the genetic makeup of those who want to make films.

I am now spending a beautful day in the library. Once again working on my paper.
I am seriously ready to be over this shit. I realised I forgot my power cord upon emptying out my bag so I won't be here as long as I had planned. That is probably a good thing.

We will be spending the fourth on our friend William's roof deck on Beacon Hill. Watching the fireworks and drinking heavily. All within walking distance of home.
Yay!

names...

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Is this the beginning of a new existential crisis?

Ah! the world of temping. What a wonderful, exciting life I lead. Today I spent most of my day looking at virtually every major online newspaper that is published in English. Surprisingly there aren't that many. And the one I like the most, the South China Morning Post, makes you pay to read beyond the front page. Which I find most irritating. When we were living in South East Asia it was one of my favourite papers. It was the English Hong Kong daily paper so it was this interesting mix of Asian focused news with a total British attitude.
So after I read the papers I proceeded to think about working on my thesis. I bring my laptop with me everyday and I look at it. Open the document. think about it some more. Then decide that I am better off checking the papers again. Perhaps, I wonder, something has happened in the last 10 minutes that warrants reading. In the end I accomplish very little. I figure that since C is going away next week I will have no distractions at home and can spend all my evenings writing.
I really don't know what my fuckin problem is. I don't want to be writing this shit the last weekend before its due to be submitted. No No No!
The weekend was nice. Weather sucked as I helped my parents move into their new condo. Rain, rain and more rain. I hung out with my brother which was a little odd. We haven't hung out in quite a while. There is a world of difference between us. He has his house and his tech job and he is content with that. He has no desire for change or moving to a better job. I can't really understand that. For me there has always been a need for more or better. I can't sit and be happy with what I have. I have to keep moving forward. It will probably put me in an early grave or it will get me what I want. Now, if I only knew what it was I wanted...
Right now I would be happy with a completed Masters thesis. God Damn It!
I also began applying for jobs.

We'll see what happens.

names out...

Sunday, June 25, 2006

What is my damage Heather?

I am sitting in the library trying to get started again on my thesis. I told my advisor I would have something to send to him by Monday. I really shouldn't have said that because now I am really fuckin stressed out. What I need to do is sit down and line edit what I have written so far. But I can't seem to do that. I sit here and read blog after blog, trolling my way through the blogsphere in an attempt to prevent myself from having to look at my thesis. I don't know what the problem is. I can edit other people's papers (and blogs and articles. I even noticed many typos and grammatical errors on the MTV website which is why I refuse to apply for a job there. Fuckers can't even proof read their own content isn't that what interns are for?). But me reading my own work? I can't do it. It scares me. I just want to throw the whole thing out and hide under a bed somewhere.
WTF?

Friday, June 23, 2006

Oh they call me the working man, and I guess that's what I am

I am off to start my temp job. Yay! working for money, what a concept.
Immediately after work I get on a bus to my parents house where I will be spending all day Saturday helping them move. It should be very interesting. My brother has decided to help out. He has also decided to bring his kids along. My parents aren't too pleased with that decision. His boys don't really do much aside from playing Playstation. It drives my father crazy.
I will fill you all in when I return on Sunday.

names out...

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Four score oxen have spent over a year in the same field

It appears that I am (once again) suffering from insomnia. I slept for a little while last night and then stayed awake for several hours. It is this friggin thesis. I kept obsessing about how June is almost over and I haven't even looked at the fucking thing in a couple of months. Part of the stress is having a meeting with my advisor this morning. I have no idea what I am going to talk about. perhaps the stress of not having done anything? I wish I had the weekend to work on it but I have agreed to help my parents move into their new condo. So that takes up all day Saturday. On top of this I start my temp job back at Putnam tomorrow so weekdays are now out.
I am ready to pull my hair out. It shouldn't be this difficult. Why is writing this fuckin thing stressing me out? I just don't have any good ideas and I can't for the life of me remember why I chose this particular topic! God Damn It! What is wrong with my brain.
Damn, I've got to go and get ready.

names....

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Social Anxiety Disorder or something very similar


I have been meaning to talk a bit about my social anxiety disorder. or rather whether or not I have it. I only realised (while at the film fest) that I have been away from social situations for the past two years. Not entirely of course, there have been social situations obviously but not on the scale that I used to deal with. In my old job I dealt with literally dozens of different personalities all day long. And then when I was doing the film festival circuit I would have ten days of full on, non-stop, social interactions where I had to "be on" so to speak. But I have spent the last four months by myself in a library writing and reading. I am way out of practice. I was relieved to be leaving P-town because I was just tired of talking to people. I was conversationally exhausted. I couldn't even do small talk. We met friends out at the B-Side on Sunday afternoon and I had nothing to say. I couldn't talk. I was so out of it.
This was on top of the conversations that I had to maintain in Durham. That was another three days of constant human interaction. Although I could hide in my hotel room which I did upon occasion. And the nerd in me responded well to the media conversations taking place. P-town was different. First of all it was much more social. And filmmakers are chatty people. Honestly I didn't care enough to hold conversations. Not that people weren't cool and nice, they were. It's just one of those things where it always felt like a gay bar and people were chatting and being chatted up and I was never good at those types of situations. Basically because I just didn't care.
Now I am not one of those people who verge on autism. I can hold a conversation. I don't think I require some drug to help me deal with people. But there are times when it gets overwhelming. A former co-worker of mine descibed it as dealing with souls. We were constantly being approached by people who needed something from us. And it was draining. This was of course a teaching environment where everybody wanted something from me. They were desperate to make art and I was the only one who could make it happen for them. I was constantly feeling like these people where energy vampires. I know that sounds mean and I don't mean it like that. I only want to imply that it involved a lot of taking and no giving. I am not an altruistic person, far from it, I was getting paid to be the person who helped others. When I left that job I was determined not to go back to being that person. When people had technical issues I pretended to not know anything. I feigned ignorance. it was difficult. I was used to jumping and helping without a second thought. I got over it.
Ugh! Social pressures. I think I am going to go and hide in the library.

names...

Monday, June 19, 2006

Back from Gay-town, I mean P-town.

And I am back from P-town. I returned on Saturday morning. They never managed to find a hotel room for the weekend. Honestly I don't think they even tried. The programmer was a little harried. I couldn't figure out why it was his job to begin with, didn't they have someone doing hospitality? Whatever. I spent Friday night with K. We bunked together. It was fun. I haven't hung out with her since the Berlin film fest in 2004. I realised halfway to South Station that I had forgotten my camera. So, no pics...Sorry. The fest was actually a good time. The other times I had been out there it seemed very much like a snotty NYC clique thang. This time people were really cool and friendly. Someone new has taken over which (I think) led to a very different vibe. The old person was very nice but also a bit of a snotty film scene-er. If I want to hang out with snotty New Yorkers I'll go down to Chelsea. Which come to think of it, P-Town is very much like Chelsea by the beach. Lots of hairless buff guys with glowing tans. Weird.
I tried not to feel too inadequate.
Actually saw some great films. "For the Love of Dolly" was spectacular. A documentary about Dolly Parton fans. You have to see it if it comes to your town. Another film "LOL" was pretty bad. Kinda misogynistic. It was a total "guy" film with the women relegated to being simply objects. It was a shame as the director was a cute straight boy who seemed smarter than that. K questioned him on it during the Q&A and his response was that maybe women should make their own film on the subject! Oh poor unenlightened straight boys, will they never learn?
We went to quite a few parties. Drank way too much champagne. Which only happens when it's free. Otherwise I don't touch it. But come on, free champagne? Who wouldn't.

I start back at my I-banking job on Friday. I am pretty excited. I had fun working there last summer. Same crappy position but I am not ready to find a real job yet. I have to finish this thesis thing that is hanging over my head. I am off to the library this afternoon so there might be another post!

names...

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Off to the cape.

Well, I had a great fun-filled weekend despite the fact that I didn't graduate. Our friend K came up from Florida to "celebrate" me and my non-graduation. We spent a lot of time in restaurants and bars. Good times. Saw the X-men as I mentioned earlier.
Spent all of Sat evening at the B-Side where we were met by our other friend L from NYC. She was up for her 10 year reunion at H. Good times that were far too short. Our friends and neighbors D & A got married on Sunday. The wedding was fabulous and held at the State Room. Dinner was great. The people were awesome. D&A are an amazing couple. C & I got the inevitable question. Actually he got it, not me. I really hate the marriage question. I really don't feel the need to marry. I understand the symbol of it but there is something about it that creeps me out. These words will come back to haunt me if we do get married.
Regardless of that we ate, drank and danced our way through the evening. A's parents are super nice. They went around and talked with everyone and knew all of D & A's friends by name. Pretty fuckin classy.
We made the mistake of leaving the wedding and meeting some other peeps at the B-Side. Monday was rough. I didn't do too bad. But C was out for the day. We ended up watching a doc on Superman hosted by Kevin Spacey. Who, by coincidence, practically molested D when he was an art student in Savannah. D told us this story a while ago and every time I see Spacey I think of him trying to put his hands down D's pants (D is a guy by the way). Seem kinda smarmy when I think of it. blech!
Spent the day re-newing my various student ID cards. I am sitting here in the library at H procrastinating. I should be working on my resume and cover letters but don't feel like it.
I am off to Provincetown for the next few days for their film festival. I was on the jury for the College films. So they are putting me up in a swanky B&B right on commercial st. Should be good times. I'll have wi-fi so I'll be sure to fill you all in. I will try to remember to bring my digital camera. maybe I'll take some racy photos. I'm a little nervous as all of the reviews of my hotel mention extremely loud noises as it is situated next to Spiritus which is the late night pizza joint. Basically it recommends earplugs or staying up until 3. I'll let you know what I decide. Anyway it will be a week of movie stars and drinking. oh and some films too.
I'll keep you posted.

outa hea!


names...

Saturday, June 10, 2006

The review "play enjoyed by all" speaks for itself.

thanks to all of your for your support in my paper giving travels. It went well. I guess. My paper was too long as usual. I of course pepper my talk with personal anecdotes with causes it to run over. I was comforted by the fact that two other people on my panel had to cut theirs short as well. We are all a little too verbose. Travel home was a total pain in the ass. Major delays and lots of thunderstorms.
Yesterday was to have been my graduation. Turns out that I'm kinda glad I didn't go. Mom would have been too sick to travel and the weather sucked. She is doing well and home from the hospital. It turns out that she has a variation on Crohn's disease and thankfully it is hereditary. So perhaps someday I'll have the same stomach and intestinal issues! yay! Thanks gene pool!
But all in all good news.
Went to see X-Men yesterday. I liked it but have to say that Brett Ratner cannot direct a film to save his life. It was one of the sloppiest films I have seen since...hmmm maybe Rush Hour? Lots of continuity errors. But I got to see Wolverine kicking some ass which was cool. And his shirt gets ripped off.

more later

names out...

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Another day older and deeper in dept.

Another day in Durham down. I was way hungover this morning. I shouldn't have sat at the bar blogging and drinking last night. I did manage to get up early and head to the conference. I was the second person there. I lasted until lunchtime and caught the shuttle back to the hotel. I tried to nap to clear my head but I was so stressed out about giving this paper that I ended up crawling out of bed and sitting at my computer for the next four hours. editing and editing. On top of it all I haven't done a powerpoint and it seems to be expected. Fuck it. I am not spending my time on that shit. Maybe...If I have the brainspace I'll do it. Well I might just make a single slide with a interesting image so that people have something to look at. I am kinda proud of not using powerpoint when presenting. I didn't do it for my thesis presentation why will I do it here?

Went out to dinner with the conference gang. japanese/asian fusion place. not too bad but there was a hell of a lot of food.
Here are a couple of links for you if you are curious about the conference.
Thinking Through New Media
HASTAC (pronounced Hay-stack) is the host of the conference.
They are doing a live webcast so if you are inclined to listen to my paper the first link will take you to the proper page.

My battery is dying. I am out-a-hea.

names...

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Travel tires me so...

Before I begin I want to thank those who replied positively to my post from last night. I was really hammered and thought about deleting it. But I didn't. Thanks guys. When I feel guilty for rambling you make me feel better.
Moving on...

I am sitting in a hotel bar in Durham NC. It is the only place I can get wireles. What is wrong with this city? I can't get wireless in my hotel room? WTF?
So travel was okay. Small ass plane that encountered a whole lot of turbulance. I tried playing SIMCity but there was no fuckin way. My shit was bouncing all over the place. My trip began with me stuck in some ghetto ass section of Logan airport. No bathrooms, no food. You had to pass through security to do anything. I had to do that shit twice.

Oh and on top of my stress with this whole Duke paper thing my mom went into the hospital last night with an unknown stomach issue. She hasn't eaten or kept food down for four days. She thought it was food poisoning until it went on too long. My sister calls me late last night to tell me. My parents didn't call. My mother didn't want to make a big deal about it. I had a sense that it wasn't a big deal. My mother has had stomach issues for several years. It began with stupid military doctors in the 70s who didn't give a shit about patients that started it all. She had an ulcer for many years that went undiagnosed because they couldn't be bothered to do their job. As a result she has had several pieces of her stomach removed. And now it has caused an intestinal virus. She is fine after a night of terror at the hospital. They are keeping her another night to make sure she can eat and hold down food. I know now that it wasn't a big deal but I think it is time to force them to deal with the whole will issue. I have been elected the executor of the will but I don't know when the last time they updated their will. They have sold all of their property in the last five years. So they have nothing but money in the bank which is the first to go in probate.

I'm rambling which is a sure sign to go to bed.
Thank god for laptops. I hung out with the guy I am on a panel with tonight. He is a seventh year PhD student. I'm going to try not to be too stupid on my panel. WTF? How the fuck did I get here. I am not this smart. Flash back ten years and I was sitting around my apartment with junkies and consistantly smoking pot to dull the pain. I really shouldn't be here. God Damn smart people!

names out...

Monday, June 05, 2006

fuckin ranting cause I can.

So I spent the morning at the gym ranting and raving in my head about Bush and the state of our country. I tried to upload a rant here but either the net or the site was acting weird. I don't know about you but if I hear one more thing about the sanctity of marriage I was gonna puke. If these people care so much about marriage then outlaw divorce. that is all I have to say. Force people to stay married if marriage is so precious. Oh wait...thats not what this is about is it? Fuckers. it comes down to one thing for me...don't tell me what I can and cannot do. Don't tell me who I can or cannot love or marry. I don't particularly subscribe to the notion of marriage to begin with. There is still some part of me that finds it a little too assimilative. I have no desire to be straight. I have no desire to adopt that "lifestyle." I don't give a shit if that is what people want. But don't inflict your ideology on me.
I know I am preaching to the converted here so I will keep this short.
C and I are thinking of buying a condo. There is really no prospect of doing it here in Boston or Cambridge. Way too expensive. We figured that we would actually get more for our money to buy something in Europe. Specifically Paris. I prefer Berlin which is actually cheaper but C doesn't understand Germany. Ultimately it will be cheaper even if G.W. devalues the dollar further against the Euro.
Everything I have read this week in the news has made me more and more ashamed about American foreign policy. WTF? Is it just me or is this whole gay marriage thing just there to distract us from another military fuck up in Iraq.

Okay, I said I wasn't going to rant anymore. I am off to Duke to give a paper tomorrow. Wish me luck. I am really stressed about this. It isn't like my ghetto ass paper at Amherst. This is real yo!


names...

Saturday, June 03, 2006

rainy days and mondays always get me down

Ah Saturdays...they actually have no meaning for me anymore. Since I started Grad school they were simply another day to go to the library. I used to go to the gym on Saturdays but it gets really crowded with the oddest assortment of people. The people who are trapped in cubes (or labs) all week flock to the gym. And none of them seem to know what they are doing. They sort of wander about, watching the televisions and generally getting in the way...its very irritating. Now that catering season has started I will actually be spending my Saturdays working. Usually I get to bartend which is fun. People at events are always really cool to you. You are the guy getting them drunk. It can be a trifle boring standing around in one spot all night long but the people watching can't be beat.
I'm not sure how well I resolved my paper issues. I am taking the day off from re-working it. I need to give my brain a rest before I return to it. I still think I am confusing many issues surrounding media. It really is a pain in the ass to write about. There is no definative stance one can take. The very concept of media is so totally maleable that it refuses definition. I feel like writing about it is like balancing on the top of a flag pole. If I lean any particular way I fall towards an indeological position that I didn't intend to.
C and I went out last night with his co-worker D. She bought us dinner because I helped her paint her apartment last week. We went to one of our favorite restaurants, the Franklin Cafe. We rarely go because it can be a pain in the ass. They don't take reservations and have only about 12 tables. So you stand (or sit) at the bar while waiting and end up hammered! If you are in good company its great. But if you are with boring people it can be interminable.

names out...

Friday, June 02, 2006

bored, bored, bored

My paper is done and emailed to the conference peeps. I will, of course, continue to work on it right up to the minute I read it. I am not satisfied with it yet but they harrassed me and so I sent it. as is.
I return to the world of catering tomorrow. It has been several months since I have done this. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I liked the people I worked with but the customers could be a total pain in the ass. I feel the same way about waiting tables. I enjoyed it and worked with a great group of people but damn those customers sucked ass. Not all of the time. There were a few people who were really cool. Maybe that will be my career? back to the tables? I don't think I'll make enough money. alas.

Nothing else exciting to talk about. I leave for Durham on Tuesday and return Thursday. Friday was going to be graduation day. Well, it still is but not for me.

maybe I'll go to the mall this afternoon? wander around...

names is in need of entertainment.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Intellectual meanderings


I was feeling nostalgic this morning so I am posting an old photo of the television tower in Berlin. This is from Feb 2004.

I have decided to try and work a little harder on this blog. As I near the end of my paperwriting I realised that I will have very few venues for my intellectual meandering and that really was the impetus for starting the whole thing. Otherwise I would have picked a less obtuse title. I would have picked something more reflective of my tendency towards misanthropic rambling.
On that note I am having a bit of a difficult time navigating my current paper. I am trying to break down the concept of new media just what role video plays in that. First of all the concept of new media is prolematic in and of itself. What makes it new and just what exactly is the media? New media rose to replace the term "mulit-media." We all remember that buzzword don't we? If you were anywhere near an art school or dealing with graphic design you couldn't escape that term. Everything was "multi-media" in the early nineties. With the rise of the digital landscape things changed. New terms were needed to deal with the concept of a digitised mode of creation. Thus we got New Media. But this term has been in use (with its current implications) at least since the sixties. And the concept of media and its cultural newness can be traced as far back as the late medieval period (I did not research this, see S. Zielinski's book Deep Time of the Media, MIT Press, 2006). But contemporary usage of the term new media usually excludes video. Wendy Chun denotes new media as the form which is just as innovative (if not more so) than the content. So new media is simply an advanced method of distribution that overwhelms or overrides the content? I find this difficult to reconcile as video art (I feel) should be about content. I understand that I might be a little bit out of line here as many video artists are more concerned with aesthetic aspects complete dissregard to content. But if that is new media well then it spells its own obsolescence the minute it is put on display. It is doomed to be passe as soon as a new and better technology or technologist appears.

Hmmmm. perhaps I should get back to my paper? I have some ideas now. Thanks to all of you. You have been very helpful.

Monday, May 29, 2006

I got nothing

I don't think I have much to say today. I am sitting at my computer trying to write this friggin paper for Duke. its only five pages but it is like pulling teeth right now. I guess the part that is stressing me out the most is the fact that I will have to read it aloud. its not a simple "hand it in" kinda thing. I have actually spent more time online than on the actual paper.
C and I spent the weekend drinking with friends. I guess that is our way of celebrating Memorial day. That was much more fun that writing.

god damn it.

names

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

The end of the film festival, finally

Several things have happened in the many days since my last post. The film festival finished up on Sunday. I was on a panel to discuss the evolution and future of gay cinema. The panel was moderated by my friend Michael and consisted of me, film critic and author Loren King, filmmaker and founder of the Oakland International Black LGBT film festival Debra Wilson and Yusouf from the MASALA organisation. The panel was fun. The festival ended with a screening of Margaret Cho's new film Bam Bam and Celeste. Margaret couldn't make the screening but Bruce Daniels the other star flew out for the screening. The film was cute and funny but a little messy. And it was sold out which was great.
Monday morning I hopped a bus to my parents house in Newport. They are finally moving out of their fugly-ass basement level condo and into a four bedroom and two full bath townhouse. I am so glad! I hate their place and hate staying there. it is just depressing. I have been trying since they moved to Newport to get them to find a better place. it has finally happened.

I met with my tattoo artist and plotted out the rest of my arm. I am really psyched. Now I just have to save the money!
That is all I got. I am going back to writing my last paper. blech!

names...

Friday, May 19, 2006

Another happy post!

I turned in my last paper yesterday morning. Within two hours I had my grade. Sherry is nothing if not thorough.
In the spirit of "upbeat" blogging I offer a quote from her:

"Thank you for your paper. I think it is wonderful. You have really
found your genre. I am very pleased for being in a position to help
you get into this wonderful groove. This is part memoir/ part
technophilosophy . . . altogether wonderful."

I think I have read this email about twenty times already. I am a little stunned. Writing the paper was extremely painful. She stresses me out. She is the reason I came to MIT. Of course, the skeptic in me kept wondering if she was talking about my paper. Or whether or not she was drunk when reading it.
On top of this the men's shorts program at the Gay and Lesbian film festival went really well. Not quite sold out but close. I think it was bad timing. They moved it to 6:30 this year. It has always been at 8. A lot of people came in late. But it was great. One of the filmmakers drive down from NYC and we had a great chat. He brought t-shirts for us.
I watched the beginning of the 8 o'clock film and it was really wonderful. It was called 20 Centimeters. If it comes to your town and LGBT film fest. Go and see this film. I honestly think that the best new gay cinema is being created in Spain. Five of my ten favorite gay films have come from there. Kinda makes me want to move to Madrid. I speak Spanish better than any other European language. Or I should say that I mangle it less than the others. On the down side the film is about a tranny hooker which is a pretty tired narrative. I'd like to think that the transgendered have other career choices. Yet it seems that cinema can only imagine so much.
C finally gave back my XBox Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. He took it away when it came time to buckle down and work. I am very excited to start playing it!!

I'd say that I am going back to writing but...I don't have to.
If it wasn't raining (again) I'd go for a walk around town.

names out...

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Always look on the bright side of life?

I came to realise over the course of a phone conversation that perhaps I am spending too much time writing about bad shit on this blog. It concerns me when I chat with someone whom I haven't spoken with in a while and they ask how I am doing in a manner that bespeaks of apprehension. Clearly they are only reading my blog.
That said, I am going to attempt (that is the key word, attempt) to talk about some good things.
For one, the sun is shining and the rain has stopped. At least until the thunderstorm rolls through tomorrow. Secondly, despite many successive days of binge drinking (and one mopy birthday) I am feeling fine and continuing to work on my thesis and other sundry papers.
hmmmm what else? I am giving another paper at a conference at Duke next month. A little stressful but still a good thing. The film festival is going well. Lots of tickets sold and several sell outs. Tonight is Guys and Balls. A German film about gay soccer players. I will be doing the intro and then heading home to watch Lost and finish (hopefully) Sherry's paper. It will probably sell out. Cute guys and comedy, you can't go wrong. I haven't seen it yet but it is On Demand so I'll catch it later.
That is all for now. I am going back to writing my paper.
Perhaps I will add a smiley face here?

perhaps not...

names.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Don't leave me alone with too many gay people



Well, on Thursday night when I returned home from the film festival opener I wrote a lengthy diatribe that I subsequently erased Friday morning. I have decided that blogging while drunk and annoyed is not a good thing. Thursday evening put me in a rather black mood on Friday which lead me to a long evening and early morning of hard core drinking. C and I met up with the other C and bar hopped and cocktail hopped our way about Boston and Cambridge. I really didn't want to go out. I wanted to sit and home and wallow in my existential crisis. Either way, I'm not sure what my problem was. I am always troubled by lengthy interaction with the gay male community. We don't have a lot of gay friends and those we have that are close are lesbians. Perhaps I need to rethink my impressions of gay male culture and those that are deeply planted within it. My world is sooo straight that when I interact with gay people who have no straight friends or who never interact with straight people I feel like I am on another planet. I think a large part of it is cultural criticism on my part. While I have never been wholly planted within that community I did program a film festival for five years. I traveled the world for gay film, either with my own films or for programming purposes. But I could never really reconcile the fact that I felt like I was giving something up (in a larger sense) whenever I self ghetto-ised. I always felt that there was a large degree of myopia in self absorbed communities that was dangerous. While I hestitate to identify myself with the people who yearn for conformity in declaring that being gay is just a small part of who I am as a person I somehow subscribe to that belief. I am not nearly so naive to believe that being gay is not a political statement. That is a dangerously blind perspective in our current political environment.
I remember being a gay punk when my every action was a statement to piss off or offend. And it saddens me to see that cultural acceptance had brought about conformity and banality. Now all of this is weighed down by the fact that I am a gay WHITE male and I occupy a position of power relative to other LGBT people. I could also be arguably described as a middle class gay yuppie (or Guppie) but I would fight you vigorously on that one (and lose if you took one look at our apartment). All in all I can't help but feel lost when amongst the gay community. I don't wallow in self constructed drama, I don't dance, and I couldn't name a circuit party if you handed me tickets to one. Somehow I feel that all of that is bullshit. When out to dinner Thursday night conversation centered on one night stands, which hip restaurant we should have gone to, whether or not this other guy should dump his boyfriend because he like circuit parties too much and I felt very lost. I was the freak with the long term relationship who lived on the wrong side of the river where there is no gay-borhood. I just wanted to talk about movies. what the fuck.

this is, once again, an excuse for procrastination.

back to work.

names...

Thursday, May 11, 2006

films, films, and more films

This is another entry in the mode of the seemingly endless attempt at procrastination. Yet another paper due and me without a coherent idea. So instead I monitor the web for interesting film trailers. I came across one for the new Bond film and I have to say that Daniel Craig is extremly hunky. There is an interesting clip in the trailer that recreates the famous Halle Berry swimsuit scene in Die Another Day only this time it is Bond who emerges from the water! HOT!
You can see it here.
On another note tonight is the opening of the Boston Gay and Lesbian Film and Video Festival. I am meeting AB, the director of the opening night film "Boy Culture" at the airport this afternoon and heading over to the MFA. I'll be doing the intro and the Q&A.
I am not really in the mood for this degree of socialising. I actually had a dream that the crowd sucked! I don't even work for the festival anymore and I am still having nightmares concerning whether or not it succeeds! what the fuck.
my shit is crazy.

okay, back to the paper.

names...

Monday, May 08, 2006

Its pronounced "nuke-ular."

It has been a long four days since I last commented on my upcoming thesis defense. Before I get to that drama I have an amusing little anecdote (amusing to me if no one else). We are all assigned to an exit interview with financial aid before graduation. Mine was set for Thursday, I thought at 11 am. The best part about this "assigned" interview is that the email provided no room information and stated that "you should put this in your calendar as you will not receive confirmation." What? So anyway, I had no idea what room and I kinda flaked on the time. I head over thinking it's at 11. I stop by the FA office and get a room number and off I go. It was way across campus so I am a few minutes late. I rush into the room,grab a seat and drop my bag, getting settled. I turn and look up and there is some Russian guy explaining nuclear fission. I figure, well maybe the class is running late and so I sit there. Learning about the enrichment process for uranium. I sit for about 15 minutes before I figure that I should escape. I was worried about being called on or quizzed on something. It was really fascinating. I felt a bit like Homer. Although I probably know more about the nuclear process than he does now. So all of you out there ask away! I can answer many questions regarding this fascinating topic. Now I have to figure out how to put it on my resume.

Ah, the defense. One word: painful. First there were numerous technical issues with the Polycom. Wasted 15 minutes trying to get it to work before heading to W's office and using his phone. I won't go into details but at the end the professor from Harvard says "I wish we hadn't spent so much time on the problems cause there was so much good stuff here!" Did I want to smack her? You bet your ass. She even admitted that there was information in it that she would be using in her art history classes! I was very irritated and overwhelmed. Afterwards my advisor admitted that there was quite a bit coming from the other two committee members that he disagreed with.
Anyway, long story short. I was told that I could fix it in the six days I have to deadline and graduate. Or I could spend the summer REALLY fixing it and shop for a publisher. After much soul-searching I opted for the latter. The main motivation being that I owe Sherry Turkle a huge paper next week and the last thing I wanted to do was kill myself trying to crank out two weighty papers and having both of them suck ass.
So for the first time in my life I am a summer student. Ultimately the pros outweighed the cons.
Pro: defer my loans; use of both the MIT and Harvard libraries all summer; use of the MIT gym all summer; possible paid research position for the summer; no family visits for graduation day; no sitting on a lawn chair for six hours listening to a bunch of people pat themselves on the back.
Con: no graduation ceremony; no speeches by Ben Bernanke. Bummer. And it means I am not finished.

We went to Newport on Saturday and I tried to make it up to C for all of my craziness. I got my tat finished and then spent the day shopping. You all know how much I enjoy shopping. After a visit to home depot, target, petsmart, bed, bath and beyond, and (worst of the worst) Michael's crafts! I was very exhausted and was ready for a cocktail. Which we decided to forego as we were both beat. Ended up having dinner at the Cheesecake Depository cause neither of us could decide on food.

I think that brings me up to date?
Off to the library

names out.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

time waster

more time wasting. If I was an action hero, just who would I be?
The Dark Night, Batman of course!

You scored as Batman, the Dark Knight. As the Dark Knight of Gotham, Batman is a vigilante who deals out his own brand of justice to the criminals and corrupt of the city. He follows his own code and is often misunderstood. He has few friends or allies, but finds comfort in his cause.

Batman, the Dark Knight

100%

Captain Jack Sparrow

96%

Lara Croft

92%

James Bond, Agent 007

92%

The Amazing Spider-Man

79%

Neo, the "One"

75%

Indiana Jones

71%

The Terminator

71%

William Wallace

67%

Maximus

46%

El Zorro

42%

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

Thursday, May 04, 2006

defend this!

So, yes I think I am almost done. If I survive tomorrow's defence. I am really stressed about it. My friend K had hers on Tuesday. They suggested she not turn it in and spend the summer working on it. Not because it sucked but they thought with a little more work it could be shopped to publishers. And apparently there is some rule regarding Master's thesis and academic publishers which means she can't turn it in and then re-work it for publication. It has to be one and the same.
Me? I would be very happy if they merely said change a word or two. Although part of me wants to stay and work the summer because then I wouldn't have to deal with my family coming to visit. I don't know. I go back and forth. At this point I just want to defend and walk away.
C and I went and had fancy cocktails with our friends Mary last night. I haven't seen her since out X-Mas party in December. It was fun. I got hammered. Then for some reason I got pissed off about something and went to bed. C is being very patient with me. I am taking my stress out on him. I think he is ready to have me finish more than I am.

I still haven't found a sweater. but at least it will be sunny and warm today.

names.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Fuckin A!

It never fucking ends. So I email my somewhat completed thesis yesterday at 2 (or so).
We proceed to go to the B-Side and get hammered.
This morning I wake up, have coffee and screw around online. Then...I get an email from one of my committee members around 10 or so. It seems the she "just" got my thesis and didn't feel that she had enough time to read it to the depth that my defense would require. I freaked out. She was the one who told me that she would be reading it "at the last minute" when I asked her about the timing. I guess that she didn't expect me to write something along the lines of 100 pages. There is no reading a hundred pages at the last minute.
I had to re-schedule the fucking thing. It will now take place on Friday morning.
I was so aggravated I couldn't concentrate. I went to the gym for an hour or so. Came home and had lunch. I worked on my resume and CV. Emailed an abstract to a conference at Duke.
I decided to treat myself to sweater shopping. I couldn't find a fuckin thing. All the sweaters are in spring colours! I don't wear baby blue, or yellow, or salmon! what the fuck! I just wanted a simple black cotton sweater. Please! People, work with me! I don't want cashmere, or some fancy wool blend. I don't want to spend $700 on a fuckin sweater.
UGH!

God Damn It! I need a vacation...

names out.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

So close I can taste it

oy vey! I think I might actually make it. I started writing around 10 this morning after spending a couple hours drinking coffee and fuckin around online. it is now ten of four and I am just getting to my main topic. How does that make me almost finished you might ask? I have an answer. Because it seems that the point of a thesis is to pick a topic you can spend 75 pages explicating so you can then spend 10 pages describing that same topic. I have a rough intro, no epilogue yet. I am saving that for tomorrow morning. but by tonight I should have parts one and two finished. I might get to spend most of tomorrow shitfaced! yay!
I stopped writing around 10:30 last night. My eyes were kinda freaking out after staring at a computer screen for so long. I shifted to the television and put on Wayne's World. I watched it until Tia Carrera began to hog the screentime. She was horrid. What was up with her? Where is she now?
Apparently she is now doing cartoon voice overs.

BTW, I am sitting in the library cursing the damn students here who have no fucking clue how to navigate socially. I have really had it up to here and am ready to beat some people down!! If one more person bumps into me because they can't be bothered to pay fuckin attention to the world around them I am seriously going to go postal.
I need a fuckin cocktail.

back to work...

names

X-3 video clip

Amazing X-3 spoiler from Jay Leno last night.
yummy Hugh Jackman!

Click here.

Friday, April 28, 2006

New Media, video games, blah, blah, blah

Today was sooo painful! I videotaped a conference on campus that was being hosted by my department. Well, they didn't call it a conference, it was a retreat. And they didn't open it to the public it was just for our corporate partners and "potential" partners. It was on the convergence of media and advertising. I'll let that thought settle...
Yes, it was about new media and marketing and I was really annoyed that I had to sit there. I went back and forth about it. I would be annoyed and then I'd realise that I have to job hunt soon and I should be schmoozing these people. From there I would verge back to my Marxist theory roots and see them as the cause of all of society's problems.
That vacilating is probably what bothered me the most. I was personally conflicted.
On top of all that shit, it was taking me away from my writing. I needed to spend today writing. I probably got two hours in, tops. I would rather be out with C right now having a cocktail but I am here, sober mind you, and...well I am procrastinating. But that is because I am annoyed.
grrrrrrrrrrr.
Fuck me. I better get to work.

Oh yeah, check out the conference here.

back to the mine.


names out...

Thursday, April 27, 2006

wasting time again.

New favorite website:
www.impeachthemotherfuckeralready.com

Where I found this picture.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Guess how I am spending my day?

Jeez, what am I doing today? I think I'll sit down and write something...
K and I had lunch today. I met her at the T and we walked around a bit chatting about our relative states of craziness. She is balls-out as well. We are both very, very ready to be done. Out of a group of seven, perhaps three or four of us are planning to finish and graduate in June. The rest are going to take the summer to finish. I can't believe that. Who would want to extend this craziness? The last thing I want is to have this friggin thing hanging over my head all summer long!! that is just stupid. Mine might not be perfect but you know what? It will be done and I will walk away.

That is if I stop blogging and get back to work.
I am going to insert a very funny story I read this morning though.

It is from the National Inquirer so take it with a grain of salt.
Babs in stretch-pants. Thankfully a gay brother tried to set her "straight" on fashion.

names out...

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I got nothin

writing,writing,writing,writing,writing,writing,writing,writing.
This is what I do. All day, every day. Except when I go to the store or the gym.
I'm getting pretty fuckin sick of it. But it is almost over.
I should have gone to art school. again.
On a happy note K & C had their young-un yesterday. Good for them. Someone's got to breed. It certainly won't be me. Although I do have a list of lesbians waiting for a donation when their clock chimes. I'm already committed to being a parent in some form.
God help me. back to writing. At least it isn't raining...yet.

I bought an Edith Piaf box set this weekend. It is really sweet. Dark, depressing, forlorn.
Good times. Back to writing, writing,writing,writing,writing,writing.

names out...