Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes it is something else...

It has been a while since I last posted. I think I got tired of complaining and writing, or complaining about writing. I still have nothing new.
As my deadline looms my insomnia returns. I finally dozed off around 3 and was awake at 7. I'm trying to think of that as a good thing. I got to stay up and watch part of Star Wars III, yay! But somehow I'd rather have a good nights sleep.
I am avoiding thinking about what happens after I finish my thesis. Although to be honest I hope that the first thing is at least eight hours of sleep. But I'm afraid it is bigger things than that. It is a whole lot of "what do I do with my life" existential crap that I am not very good at navigating. I'm thinking of returning to therapy. Well, if I get a job that has health benefits including it. I don't think it is in my budget to fork over money just to talk to someone for an hour a week.
I should be looking to C for an ear but sometimes my problems lie with him and sometimes with my relationship issues. Not to delve too far but trust will always be an issue with me. After 8 years of living with a drug addicted, lying, cheating muther fucker trust is extremely hard for me to come by. Even after three and a half years together I question and wonder. Certainly C is worlds away from S, intellectually, spiritually, all those things. But the problem is me and my purview.
Deep down I still believe that all people (with very few exceptions) are bastards who will stab you in the back if given half a chance.

Quote of the day:
"The flood of precise information and brand-new amusements make people smarter and more stupid at once."
Max Horkheimer & Theodor Adorno