Intellectual meanderings

I was feeling nostalgic this morning so I am posting an old photo of the television tower in Berlin. This is from Feb 2004.

I have decided to try and work a little harder on this blog. As I near the end of my paperwriting I realised that I will have very few venues for my intellectual meandering and that really was the impetus for starting the whole thing. Otherwise I would have picked a less obtuse title. I would have picked something more reflective of my tendency towards misanthropic rambling.
On that note I am having a bit of a difficult time navigating my current paper. I am trying to break down the concept of new media just what role video plays in that. First of all the concept of new media is prolematic in and of itself. What makes it new and just what exactly is the media? New media rose to replace the term "mulit-media." We all remember that buzzword don't we? If you were anywhere near an art school or dealing with graphic design you couldn't escape that term. Everything was "multi-media" in the early nineties. With the rise of the digital landscape things changed. New terms were needed to deal with the concept of a digitised mode of creation. Thus we got New Media. But this term has been in use (with its current implications) at least since the sixties. And the concept of media and its cultural newness can be traced as far back as the late medieval period (I did not research this, see S. Zielinski's book Deep Time of the Media, MIT Press, 2006). But contemporary usage of the term new media usually excludes video. Wendy Chun denotes new media as the form which is just as innovative (if not more so) than the content. So new media is simply an advanced method of distribution that overwhelms or overrides the content? I find this difficult to reconcile as video art (I feel) should be about content. I understand that I might be a little bit out of line here as many video artists are more concerned with aesthetic aspects complete dissregard to content. But if that is new media well then it spells its own obsolescence the minute it is put on display. It is doomed to be passe as soon as a new and better technology or technologist appears.

Hmmmm. perhaps I should get back to my paper? I have some ideas now. Thanks to all of you. You have been very helpful.

I got nothing

I don't think I have much to say today. I am sitting at my computer trying to write this friggin paper for Duke. its only five pages but it is like pulling teeth right now. I guess the part that is stressing me out the most is the fact that I will have to read it aloud. its not a simple "hand it in" kinda thing. I have actually spent more time online than on the actual paper.
C and I spent the weekend drinking with friends. I guess that is our way of celebrating Memorial day. That was much more fun that writing.

god damn it.

names

The end of the film festival, finally

Several things have happened in the many days since my last post. The film festival finished up on Sunday. I was on a panel to discuss the evolution and future of gay cinema. The panel was moderated by my friend Michael and consisted of me, film critic and author Loren King, filmmaker and founder of the Oakland International Black LGBT film festival Debra Wilson and Yusouf from the MASALA organisation. The panel was fun. The festival ended with a screening of Margaret Cho's new film Bam Bam and Celeste. Margaret couldn't make the screening but Bruce Daniels the other star flew out for the screening. The film was cute and funny but a little messy. And it was sold out which was great.
Monday morning I hopped a bus to my parents house in Newport. They are finally moving out of their fugly-ass basement level condo and into a four bedroom and two full bath townhouse. I am so glad! I hate their place and hate staying there. it is just depressing. I have been trying since they moved to Newport to get them to find a better place. it has finally happened.

I met with my tattoo artist and plotted out the rest of my arm. I am really psyched. Now I just have to save the money!
That is all I got. I am going back to writing my last paper. blech!

names...

Another happy post!

I turned in my last paper yesterday morning. Within two hours I had my grade. Sherry is nothing if not thorough.
In the spirit of "upbeat" blogging I offer a quote from her:

"Thank you for your paper. I think it is wonderful. You have really
found your genre. I am very pleased for being in a position to help
you get into this wonderful groove. This is part memoir/ part
technophilosophy . . . altogether wonderful."

I think I have read this email about twenty times already. I am a little stunned. Writing the paper was extremely painful. She stresses me out. She is the reason I came to MIT. Of course, the skeptic in me kept wondering if she was talking about my paper. Or whether or not she was drunk when reading it.
On top of this the men's shorts program at the Gay and Lesbian film festival went really well. Not quite sold out but close. I think it was bad timing. They moved it to 6:30 this year. It has always been at 8. A lot of people came in late. But it was great. One of the filmmakers drive down from NYC and we had a great chat. He brought t-shirts for us.
I watched the beginning of the 8 o'clock film and it was really wonderful. It was called 20 Centimeters. If it comes to your town and LGBT film fest. Go and see this film. I honestly think that the best new gay cinema is being created in Spain. Five of my ten favorite gay films have come from there. Kinda makes me want to move to Madrid. I speak Spanish better than any other European language. Or I should say that I mangle it less than the others. On the down side the film is about a tranny hooker which is a pretty tired narrative. I'd like to think that the transgendered have other career choices. Yet it seems that cinema can only imagine so much.
C finally gave back my XBox Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. He took it away when it came time to buckle down and work. I am very excited to start playing it!!

I'd say that I am going back to writing but...I don't have to.
If it wasn't raining (again) I'd go for a walk around town.

names out...

Always look on the bright side of life?

I came to realise over the course of a phone conversation that perhaps I am spending too much time writing about bad shit on this blog. It concerns me when I chat with someone whom I haven't spoken with in a while and they ask how I am doing in a manner that bespeaks of apprehension. Clearly they are only reading my blog.
That said, I am going to attempt (that is the key word, attempt) to talk about some good things.
For one, the sun is shining and the rain has stopped. At least until the thunderstorm rolls through tomorrow. Secondly, despite many successive days of binge drinking (and one mopy birthday) I am feeling fine and continuing to work on my thesis and other sundry papers.
hmmmm what else? I am giving another paper at a conference at Duke next month. A little stressful but still a good thing. The film festival is going well. Lots of tickets sold and several sell outs. Tonight is Guys and Balls. A German film about gay soccer players. I will be doing the intro and then heading home to watch Lost and finish (hopefully) Sherry's paper. It will probably sell out. Cute guys and comedy, you can't go wrong. I haven't seen it yet but it is On Demand so I'll catch it later.
That is all for now. I am going back to writing my paper.
Perhaps I will add a smiley face here?

perhaps not...

names.

Don't leave me alone with too many gay people

Well, on Thursday night when I returned home from the film festival opener I wrote a lengthy diatribe that I subsequently erased Friday morning. I have decided that blogging while drunk and annoyed is not a good thing. Thursday evening put me in a rather black mood on Friday which lead me to a long evening and early morning of hard core drinking. C and I met up with the other C and bar hopped and cocktail hopped our way about Boston and Cambridge. I really didn't want to go out. I wanted to sit and home and wallow in my existential crisis. Either way, I'm not sure what my problem was. I am always troubled by lengthy interaction with the gay male community. We don't have a lot of gay friends and those we have that are close are lesbians. Perhaps I need to rethink my impressions of gay male culture and those that are deeply planted within it. My world is sooo straight that when I interact with gay people who have no straight friends or who never interact with straight people I feel like I am on another planet. I think a large part of it is cultural criticism on my part. While I have never been wholly planted within that community I did program a film festival for five years. I traveled the world for gay film, either with my own films or for programming purposes. But I could never really reconcile the fact that I felt like I was giving something up (in a larger sense) whenever I self ghetto-ised. I always felt that there was a large degree of myopia in self absorbed communities that was dangerous. While I hestitate to identify myself with the people who yearn for conformity in declaring that being gay is just a small part of who I am as a person I somehow subscribe to that belief. I am not nearly so naive to believe that being gay is not a political statement. That is a dangerously blind perspective in our current political environment.
I remember being a gay punk when my every action was a statement to piss off or offend. And it saddens me to see that cultural acceptance had brought about conformity and banality. Now all of this is weighed down by the fact that I am a gay WHITE male and I occupy a position of power relative to other LGBT people. I could also be arguably described as a middle class gay yuppie (or Guppie) but I would fight you vigorously on that one (and lose if you took one look at our apartment). All in all I can't help but feel lost when amongst the gay community. I don't wallow in self constructed drama, I don't dance, and I couldn't name a circuit party if you handed me tickets to one. Somehow I feel that all of that is bullshit. When out to dinner Thursday night conversation centered on one night stands, which hip restaurant we should have gone to, whether or not this other guy should dump his boyfriend because he like circuit parties too much and I felt very lost. I was the freak with the long term relationship who lived on the wrong side of the river where there is no gay-borhood. I just wanted to talk about movies. what the fuck.

this is, once again, an excuse for procrastination.

back to work.

names...

films, films, and more films

This is another entry in the mode of the seemingly endless attempt at procrastination. Yet another paper due and me without a coherent idea. So instead I monitor the web for interesting film trailers. I came across one for the new Bond film and I have to say that Daniel Craig is extremly hunky. There is an interesting clip in the trailer that recreates the famous Halle Berry swimsuit scene in Die Another Day only this time it is Bond who emerges from the water! HOT!
You can see it here.
On another note tonight is the opening of the Boston Gay and Lesbian Film and Video Festival. I am meeting AB, the director of the opening night film "Boy Culture" at the airport this afternoon and heading over to the MFA. I'll be doing the intro and the Q&A.
I am not really in the mood for this degree of socialising. I actually had a dream that the crowd sucked! I don't even work for the festival anymore and I am still having nightmares concerning whether or not it succeeds! what the fuck.
my shit is crazy.

okay, back to the paper.

names...

Its pronounced "nuke-ular."

It has been a long four days since I last commented on my upcoming thesis defense. Before I get to that drama I have an amusing little anecdote (amusing to me if no one else). We are all assigned to an exit interview with financial aid before graduation. Mine was set for Thursday, I thought at 11 am. The best part about this "assigned" interview is that the email provided no room information and stated that "you should put this in your calendar as you will not receive confirmation." What? So anyway, I had no idea what room and I kinda flaked on the time. I head over thinking it's at 11. I stop by the FA office and get a room number and off I go. It was way across campus so I am a few minutes late. I rush into the room,grab a seat and drop my bag, getting settled. I turn and look up and there is some Russian guy explaining nuclear fission. I figure, well maybe the class is running late and so I sit there. Learning about the enrichment process for uranium. I sit for about 15 minutes before I figure that I should escape. I was worried about being called on or quizzed on something. It was really fascinating. I felt a bit like Homer. Although I probably know more about the nuclear process than he does now. So all of you out there ask away! I can answer many questions regarding this fascinating topic. Now I have to figure out how to put it on my resume.

Ah, the defense. One word: painful. First there were numerous technical issues with the Polycom. Wasted 15 minutes trying to get it to work before heading to W's office and using his phone. I won't go into details but at the end the professor from Harvard says "I wish we hadn't spent so much time on the problems cause there was so much good stuff here!" Did I want to smack her? You bet your ass. She even admitted that there was information in it that she would be using in her art history classes! I was very irritated and overwhelmed. Afterwards my advisor admitted that there was quite a bit coming from the other two committee members that he disagreed with.
Anyway, long story short. I was told that I could fix it in the six days I have to deadline and graduate. Or I could spend the summer REALLY fixing it and shop for a publisher. After much soul-searching I opted for the latter. The main motivation being that I owe Sherry Turkle a huge paper next week and the last thing I wanted to do was kill myself trying to crank out two weighty papers and having both of them suck ass.
So for the first time in my life I am a summer student. Ultimately the pros outweighed the cons.
Pro: defer my loans; use of both the MIT and Harvard libraries all summer; use of the MIT gym all summer; possible paid research position for the summer; no family visits for graduation day; no sitting on a lawn chair for six hours listening to a bunch of people pat themselves on the back.
Con: no graduation ceremony; no speeches by Ben Bernanke. Bummer. And it means I am not finished.

We went to Newport on Saturday and I tried to make it up to C for all of my craziness. I got my tat finished and then spent the day shopping. You all know how much I enjoy shopping. After a visit to home depot, target, petsmart, bed, bath and beyond, and (worst of the worst) Michael's crafts! I was very exhausted and was ready for a cocktail. Which we decided to forego as we were both beat. Ended up having dinner at the Cheesecake Depository cause neither of us could decide on food.

I think that brings me up to date?
Off to the library

names out.

time waster

more time wasting. If I was an action hero, just who would I be?
The Dark Night, Batman of course!

You scored as Batman, the Dark Knight. As the Dark Knight of Gotham, Batman is a vigilante who deals out his own brand of justice to the criminals and corrupt of the city. He follows his own code and is often misunderstood. He has few friends or allies, but finds comfort in his cause. Batman, the Dark Knight 100% Captain Jack Sparrow 96% Lara Croft 92% James Bond, Agent 007 92% The Amazing Spider-Man 79% Neo, the "One" 75% Indiana Jones 71% The Terminator 71% William Wallace 67% Maximus 46% El Zorro 42% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

defend this!

So, yes I think I am almost done. If I survive tomorrow's defence. I am really stressed about it. My friend K had hers on Tuesday. They suggested she not turn it in and spend the summer working on it. Not because it sucked but they thought with a little more work it could be shopped to publishers. And apparently there is some rule regarding Master's thesis and academic publishers which means she can't turn it in and then re-work it for publication. It has to be one and the same.
Me? I would be very happy if they merely said change a word or two. Although part of me wants to stay and work the summer because then I wouldn't have to deal with my family coming to visit. I don't know. I go back and forth. At this point I just want to defend and walk away.
C and I went and had fancy cocktails with our friends Mary last night. I haven't seen her since out X-Mas party in December. It was fun. I got hammered. Then for some reason I got pissed off about something and went to bed. C is being very patient with me. I am taking my stress out on him. I think he is ready to have me finish more than I am.

I still haven't found a sweater. but at least it will be sunny and warm today.

names.

Fuckin A!

It never fucking ends. So I email my somewhat completed thesis yesterday at 2 (or so).
We proceed to go to the B-Side and get hammered.
This morning I wake up, have coffee and screw around online. Then...I get an email from one of my committee members around 10 or so. It seems the she "just" got my thesis and didn't feel that she had enough time to read it to the depth that my defense would require. I freaked out. She was the one who told me that she would be reading it "at the last minute" when I asked her about the timing. I guess that she didn't expect me to write something along the lines of 100 pages. There is no reading a hundred pages at the last minute.
I had to re-schedule the fucking thing. It will now take place on Friday morning.
I was so aggravated I couldn't concentrate. I went to the gym for an hour or so. Came home and had lunch. I worked on my resume and CV. Emailed an abstract to a conference at Duke.
I decided to treat myself to sweater shopping. I couldn't find a fuckin thing. All the sweaters are in spring colours! I don't wear baby blue, or yellow, or salmon! what the fuck! I just wanted a simple black cotton sweater. Please! People, work with me! I don't want cashmere, or some fancy wool blend. I don't want to spend $700 on a fuckin sweater.
UGH!

God Damn It! I need a vacation...

names out.