procrastination is a muther fucker.

I return once again. I am procrastinating. I like it.
I don't have much to say. I had another restless and relatively sleepless night. I don't know what my problem is. I think I feel another existential crisis coming on. It could just be the stress of having to actually start writing my thesis. It's no problem. I have three months and it practically writes itself! I also have a paper due and these damn applications. it's funny writing these statements though. I kinda feel like I don't really care one way or another. I am so indifferent about school right now. This was a bad semester. I feel intellectually drained. I am sick of reading and writing. what the fuck happened? (you might be asking? both of you) Well I just don't know. I think I took on a bit too much. I averaged about 1500 pages or reading a week. is that a lot? it didn't seem like it at the time. Because this is me...all I do is read. I can't stand still for five minutes without reading something. It drives C crazy. Subway, cab stand, airport. if I have the time to spare I will read. I have even taken up reading and walking. Very dangerous but I have yet to smack into anything or anyone.
I think I am done with the Yale app. I don't care about this one. the guy who ran the grad program was a total douchbag to me. fuck em...

names...

all puffed up with vanity

So the end of December has arrived. I really didn't think I would survive this long. The month was brutal. Several very difficult papers and PhD applications had to be done. I actually have two to finish at this moment. I prefer to procrastinate and pay attention to my much neglected blog. I'd like to think that this is warming up. Perhaps it is?
After a week in Ohio at C's family I have returned to my usual spot in the Sloan library. I feel like I have created an ass groove for myself here. Two straight weeks of sitting here writing have had an effect I'm sure. I am still trying to recover from Ohio. I am getting more accustomed to being there for the holidays. It has been three years in a row at this point. However, C's mother still insists that we play the "roommates" game for his father. The poor man is old but he isn't stupid. You would think that after three years they would give up. I try to be the good doobie and play nice but it is a little frustrating. You would think my parents would have the issue since they are military. I guess there are some things that growing up in New England make more palatable. I keep forgetting that the mid-west is a whole 'nother world. To compensate for the weirdness C's mother goes on a shopping spree insisting on spending an equal amount on both C and I. This is something that I find very uncomfortable. I don't like people buying me things. If I want something I'll buy it. I don't do forced shopping. His mother made me search store after store until I found something I wanted. Like I said...weird. My parents will give us a x-mas card and that is pretty much it. Maybe we'll go out to dinner someplace nice in Newport but otherwise that is it. And I am fine with that.
C's mother did buy me the book "Traveling Music" by Neil Peart, the drummer from Rush. I read it in two days. Great fun, great memoir. I am now in the midst of a rush music surge which hasn't happened in quite a while. It awakened the music nerd in me. I recently moved all of my Rush to my iPod but I am missing a few albums so I might head to Newbury this evening and catch up.
Topher's top 5 lists have also made me realise that I don't own any led zeppelin. I might have to go and get the box set.

I should get back to my statements...
blech!

names out.

Existential crisis #301

It is December and I feel it in every bone in my body. I'm giving up the NYC travelog because far too much time has passed and too much has gone on since. C and I went to Naples, Florida over Thanksgiving. it was very odd and I spent some time sitting by the pool. We dranks a whole lot and basically just shopped. I hate shopping by the way. With C and his friend K (whom we were staying with) avid shoppers I had my patience tested. We came home only having to mail a couple of things. ugh!

I have spent this week avoiding and working on my PhD applications. I think I am really out of my fuckin mind with this. Do I really want to spend the rest of my life in school? No one is pushing me towards this. I just don't know what I am doing.
Its coming at the wrong moment. Right now I am really sick of being in school. I know this will fade. I am just burnt out but what if I'm not? Sometimes I wish my brain didn't work this hard...

names...

NYC part whatever

Okay, Saturday in NYC. C is arriving at 11 or so I thought. I am up at 8 or so. L is up and doing her stretches in the living room and I lie on her couch, hung-over, chatting while she does. She heads off to run in the park. Side note: she partner runs with blind people through the park, how cool is that?
C calls and tells me that he missed his train due to the T and is now taking the Accela. He'll arrive at 11:40 instead of 10:40. Thank god he missed his train cause I would have been hella late!
I get up and shower. Head out stopping to have the hung-over special (McD's b-fast) and start walking towards midtown. I have several hours so I figure I will walk it. I do a quick breeze through Macy's Herald Sq. my first time. I fuckin hate it. Too many people, too many of them tourists and even more of them Brits who don't have a fuckin clue other than their dollar is stronger than ours, bitches!
I end up in a Starbucks a block over from Grand central. I have homework so I sit and read. I have an hour or so. There is a guy sitting a few seats away from me. I am at the window bar looking out on 7th ave. A woman stops and strips off her coat to reveal a novelty T-shirt and whips out a statue of liberty foam hat. She proceeds to have her picture taken with a NYC cop. several actually. I don't get it. I understand it but I don't get it.
A few moments go by. A older woman comes and sits next to me. The seat next to her is occupied by this guy who is chatting with random people. Momentarily left alone he turns and asks me what I am reading. I tell him. He wants to know why and so I tell him (I am reading an essay on the early history of television). He proceeds to tell us (the woman has now sat and joined the conversation) about his life as a new professor of history at Fordham on the upper west side. His specialty is the history of coffee. We all laugh at the irony. He then makes this weird tangential twist towards his own history as being from Texas and now residing in NYC, then leaves. The woman and I proceed to talk a bit about how odd he seems. She turns out to be an actor, at which point I am trying to identify her. She is wearing a baseball cap and pretty non-descript clothing. But then that means nothing. NYC is now a city of the rich and the famous. You tend not to notice them because everyone else is so loud and annoying. Just when the conversation gets interesting C calls and wants to know why I am not outside GCStation as he is waiting and looking for me. For once Amtrak is on time! I say my goodbyes and regrets. I don't get her name but she was pretty cool.
C and I head uptown to L's apartment
We drop off our stuff and proceed to walk over to the east side to have lunch. I have to be at the Guggenheim at 3. Wander a bit, complain about the fuckin bridge and tunnel people and end up having lunch at this non-descript diner on 80th and Lex. C heads off the the Met and I am off to the Gugg.
I meet my classmates and have our class with Jennifer Blessing, the curator. We hang out and watch the performance (which I will not go into here, I had to write a paper about it). I stayed a couple of hours and then went to meet C and L for dinner. It was a huge debate about where we were going to go. We ended up staying on the upper west and went to Citrus. It was great, weird combination of sushi and Mexican. From there we went to Bin71, a little wine bar and drank some more.
Ended up at L's watching the Simpsons. L is a huge fan, almost as huge as KG. It was fun.

We crashed at 2:30.

names...