Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Damn memory palaces

Tuesdays are a pain in the ass. The day seems interminable. 10 am to 10 pm. Ugh...
Ran my ass all over Cambridge as well. Perhaps it makes up for not going to the gym today?
Spent practically the entire day talking and thinking about memory. Sherry's class was about Winnicott's transitional objects. Winnicott was a child psychologist/psychoanalyst during the fifties. Transitional objects are those that children use to replace the breast once they are removed from the mother. It is an object that is separate from the child yet makes the child feel whole. We were discussing whether or not a technological device can be this object. I personally feel that those whose psyche is positioned a certain way, perhaps an unresolved oral stage? (thanks Freud) will use technology to return to this state of completeness. We had to write about a personal object from out childhood and then read it out to the class. So far we have had to do this every week. Its starting to get annoying. I took the stereotypical route and said I had a blanky that became a stuffed animal. It made her happy and she left me alone. I refuse to let on how much I have read in terms of psychoanalysis. I want to see how she teaches it. My friend kestrell keeps trying to get me to engage in a conversation about it with her. No thanks! Not to say that she isn't nice but I am a little skeptical of her pedagogical style. I think she is using us to work out issues in her book. Not that that is a bad thing but it gives me reason to be a bit cautious. I asked her about Melanie Klein and she said "great question, we'll go over it in a bit." never happened.

tonight's class was all about memory palaces. I hated the readings with a passion. I won't go into it. If you are curious google that shit. Halfway though class the stupid one asked about differentiating between media and medium. The conversation took a turn for the worse. It reminded me of my first year in art school where we were asked to define "fine art" and "craft." One of the most absurd conversation I have been spectator to in quite a while. Finally I told them that they were rehashing the tedious arguments of structuralism and how attempting to define media was a conversation for the fifties. Aren't we past that shit now? What about post-structuralism, post-modernism, post-post-modernism. These issues have been discussed ad nausium in the art world and it is only just now that media studies is trying to figure this shit out? Christ, catch up people.
People just want nice, neat little boxes in which to line up all of their ideas. It is easier that way. God forbid you actually use your brain and realise that the world doesn't work that way.

UPDATE: There will be an article in the student newspaper "the Tech" on the anti-gay writings on blackboards around campus and the fact that no one is dealing with it. I am stirring up shit now! Ignore me will you? I'll go to the media!
I might have to forward the story to friends at Planetout.

going to try and sleep now. Insomnia beware!

names...

insomnia & performance art

insomnia. it is four in the morning. I wake up when C goes to the bathroom. I begin thinking about how much I have to do today. Forget it. There is no going back to sleep for me. I have a paper due at 2 this afternoon. I meant to tackle it today to give myself time tomorrow for a rewrite. Never happened. I spent the day at the MFA shooting video for a performance by Zhang Huan. It was amazing and a great opportunity however I should have made time for writing. whatever.
In the hour and a half that I had free I went wandering around the museum. It was nice. its been a while since I have done that. When I worked there I used to spend time every week or so just wandering and looking around. It tended to be very soothing. If my day was going crazy and people wouldn't leave me alone I could disappear into the galleries. As my days get more and more full of things I need to accomplish NOW, quiet time has become extremely rare. Granted I have been spending time working (job not schoolwork) and when not working I am hanging out with C. I kinda want the weather to get shitty so that I will lock myself in the library. When it is nice out I am not so inclined to do work. funny how that is...

I think I'll try and write some of that paper now.

names...

Thursday, September 22, 2005

ooh

ohhh today is the big day, the CAREER FAIR. (I felt it deserved caps) Just whom shall I pursue today? I am compiling the list of companies that I plan on visiting. I don't really know how this shit works, I'm just winging it really. We don't need to carry resumes around because if you posted it to the website by the end of last week the school has compiled them on a CD that they give to all the companies attending. Pretty sweet eh? I am going to print a bunch up anyway cause I am anal like that.
I am catering this evening. Some big shin-dig at Saks. I can hardly wait to see all the tight skin and bleached hair of the women who shop there. I jibe but it is purely jealousy. There isn't much I can afford there, but then again is there much I would want to buy there? I don't wear a suit, fancy clothes, etc...come to think of it there isn't much I would be jealous of. I actually find it kind of aggregious to spend that kind of money on clothes.
which is not to say I don't like nice clothes, I do. however, that kind of spending is a little much.
oh and a foot note for TK about the woman getting shot mentioned in a previous entry. She worked for my mother at the time. Her husband was in the military and off in Korea or someplace at the time. She survived the shooting and ended up staying at our house for weeks! Doing nothing but lying around in a bathrobe watching TV. My mother was ready to strangle her by the time her husband showed up. She was a total freak and drove my parents crazy! My mother kept saying she wished she had been shot in the mouth so she wouldn't have been able to talk. pretty funny.

off to clean up for the fair.

names...

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked

so it is career week and there are no classes? I get up (relatively) early and chug coffee preparing to go to my Sloan class. Check the online syllabus and realise that there are no classes this week! Now granted I am only a listener on this class. It is a Financial Theory class. I was talked into it by a classmate only to have him never go to it! It is interesting so far but seems to me to be common sense stuff. who knows?
Maybe it gets harder? Best part about it is watching all the uptight Sloan MBAs who are paying three times the tuition I am, stressing out. MBAs are total freaks! At least these are. I am sure they are all very nice people. Perhaps it is this school that does it to them?
who knows? I ain't got class today. I'm off to the gym.

names...

career week

So it is career week. Last night I went to a food and drink fest hosted by a fancy consulting company to sell themselves to LGB people. I leave out the T because there is no mention of it on their literature. I considered mentioning it to them but as I was drinking on their tab I thought it might be inappropriate. I'll be sure to bring it up on Thursday when I visit their booth at the career fair. "What about the transgendered? don't you care about them?" That sad part is that most LGB organisations don't. The trans community still complicates things for people who can't wrap their mind around the endless possibilites of gender identitfication. Who cares how you view yourself as long as you aren't hurting anyone? Why can't people just accept?
Well being the bitter muther fucker that I am, I know why. Because thinking that way is complicated and people don't like to think complicated thoughts because it is hard. There are things in life that are hard and we spend an inordinate amount of time avoiding them.
Case in point. I am taking a class with Sherry Turkle, a rather famous person who has written quite a bit about personalities and technologies. You should google her. Anyway, she is also a trained (and formerly practicing) psychoanalyst. The last two classes have consisted of us writing and reading out loud stories about our childhood. the toys we played with and the spaces we interacted with that most affected who we are today. Needless to say I hated every moment of it. I don't like thinking about my childhood. Not that it was terrible, I wasn't beat or abused. but my childhood consisted of distant parents and constant moving as most military children can probably attest to. I did happen to have traumatic things happen around me which I have supressed. There is something about having a person shot on the far side of the wall surrounding your house that can lead one to certain anxieties. I'm sure we were better off having them not enter our house but still its pretty fucked up.
Then there is the moment when we were having a picnic at the beach and people started shooting. A woman standing next to me was shot in the side and turned to look at me as she fell to the ground. She was a co-worker of my mothers who decided on a whim to come with us. Shitty move on her part I must say.
But then the class is about memoir. How it is written and how technology plays a part in that story. Since technology is a huge part of my life it seems that the class might actually come to some good. we'll see.
Back to career week. I am tired of being poor. It is all well and good being a starving artist when one has a trust fund however when one has looming student loans it is not quite so romantic. is it wrong of me to want to get a job that pays a hundred grand to start?
I feel like I am selling out.

names...

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

career week

So it is career week. Last night I went to a food and drink fest hosted by a fancy consulting company to sell themselves to LGB people. I leave out the T because there is no mention of it on their literature. I considered mentioning it to them but as I was drinking on their tab I thought it might be inappropriate. I'll be sure to bring it up on Thursday when I visit their booth at the career fair. "What about the transgendered? don't you care about them?" That sad part is that most LGB organisations don't. The trans community still complicates things for people who can't wrap their mind around the endless possibilites of gender identitfication. Who cares how you view yourself as long as you aren't hurting anyone? Why can't people just accept?
Well being the bitter muther fucker that I am, I know why. Because thinking that way is complicated and people don't like to think complicated thoughts because it is hard. There are things in life that are hard and we spend an inordinate amount of time avoiding them.
Case in point. I am taking a class with Sherry Turkle, a rather famous person who has written quite a bit about personalities and technologies. You should google her. Anyway, she is also a trained (and formerly practicing) psychoanalyst. The last two classes have consisted of us writing and reading out loud stories about our childhood. the toys we played with and the spaces we interacted with that most affected who we are today. Needless to say I hated every moment of it. I don't like thinking about my childhood. Not that it was terrible, I wasn't beat or abused. but my childhood consisted of distant parents and constant moving as most military children can probably attest to. I did happen to have traumatic things happen around me which I have supressed. There is something about having a person shot on the far side of the wall surrounding your house that can lead one to certain anxieties. I'm sure we were better off having them not enter our house but still its pretty fucked up.
Then there is the moment when we were having a picnic at the beach and people started shooting. A woman standing next to me was shot in the side and turned to look at me as she fell to the ground. She was a co-worker of my mothers who decided on a whim to come with us. Shitty move on her part I must say.
But then the class is about memoir. How it is written and how technology plays a part in that story. Since technology is a huge part of my life it seems that the class might actually come to some good. we'll see.
Back to career week. I am tired of being poor. It is all well and good being a starving artist when one has a trust fund however when one has looming student loans it is not quite so romantic. is it wrong of me to want to get a job that pays a hundred grand to start?
I feel like I am selling out.

names...

Friday, September 16, 2005

careful what you wish for...

oh it has been one of those weeks. Funding is still up in the air, my student loans have finally gone through but for some reason it will be several days before I see a check and I walk the earth with a dollar to my name. its kinda funny, no matter how far I go being broke will always be a state of mind. I have no money and I don't seem to want anything. Besides a beer of course and C is kind enough to support my habit. I imagine that is survival on his part, when I'm down and I ain't got beer to keep me sane, mutha fuckas watch out.
On that note today seemed to be the day for free drinking. there were three events on campus that promised free beers for grad students. I'd say that I qualify! hmmmm free buzz.
Anyway things are getting kooky. Spent the free beverage events talking to the newbies. they are awfully enthusiastic. I don't trust enthusiasum. Bitterness I understand and trust but enthusiasum? no, not at all. give it time. they will come to see that this institution sees them as fodder. it took me ten minutes but then I am smarter than most or is it bitter-er?
I had an incident this week that makes me expecially bitter towards the school. C and I met for drinks at the grad bar. Now the grad bar is in this monolithic building that holds the radio station and numerous student groups one of which is the LGBT group room. Down the hall from the LGBT center is the men's bathroom. For some reason that probably made sense in the early 20th century when the building was built, there is a rather large blackboard above the urinals. Now these are old school urinals that run about 5 ft. high to the floor along one side of the wall and above it is the blackboard. So I go to take a piss and realise that there are all kinds of anti-gay slogans and derisive language all over it. big, small various types of handwriting. and I start to get pissed. because I know that someone is just being a douchebag here. They see the LGBT center and for some reason that threatens their fragile sense of self and they need to get their frustrations out for all the world to see. The main thing is that it isn't easy to write on this board, you have to REALLY want to write something cause that shit is high and you have to either stand or get a chair or some shit to avoid standing in a fuckin urinal!
So I head back to the grad bar and pour myself another beer (land of the six dollar pitcher of beer!) open my laptop and pen a letter to all the LGBT committee members I know, in addition to the dean of grad students and the head of student life.
What do I hear back? I get a reply from another LGBT committee member telling me that this has been going on for a while and they are "documenting it" and they know that it is one particular student who is doing it.
and I hear nothing else! no one even saw fit to email me back and say damn that sucks or anything! Douchebags!
because you know if someone had written a racial slur every mutha fucker in the city would be there protesting and making a big fuckin stink. C keeps bugging me to take it farther and make a big deal about it. But you know what? I realised coming to MIT that there are a lot of people who are closeted here. There are those people who have shuttered themselves up in a life of science to the disavowal of their sense of self. It is a world of the mind and not the body. These are people who are extremely uncomfortable in their bodies. They exist in the intellectual.
its really disheartening.

names...

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

top o' the heap

Christ! its been a month already! okay, school has started again so I should have the time to waste on this site.
Its been a busy month. I went from having a decent income to being completely broke. Its amazing how bitter that makes me. As I sit here doing the paper chase with my student loan company (tomorrow AM will bring about the THIRD attempt at faxing them a rather significant document that they seem to keep losing) I am ready to punch someone in the face. The problem is that the companies tend to hire overly cheerful people to answer their customer complaints so while I am pretty pissed off, I would feel bad yelling at someone who is being pleasant to me. Ultimately they are only doing their jobs, and probably getting paid pretty shitty wages. while I hate people, I really don't want to be a douchebag despite the fact that I have twenty bucks to live on...forever!
Drama moment over. I am living on twenty bucks but Big C has gotten a promotion that comes with a rather large raise so I can live off of him for a week or so but still. I was planning on going to London this week but that is out the window...I suppose I could have bought the tickets this summer when I had a job and money to burn but I am such a tightass that I kept waiting for the tickets to get cheaper! oh well...wasn't meant to be.
And so back to school. I just had class with the very woman who brought me to MIT. Sherry Turkle. Pretty amazing and quite forthright. If she wants to put some of your work in her book, she will. She will do us the courtesy of asking us but who in their right mind would say no? She is fuckin Sherry Turkle!! There was an undergrad in the class who complained about how it required too much reading. hello! this is MIT you fuckhead...sorry to make you WORK! Go back to mechanical engineering loser. She actually asked him to stay afterwards so she could convince him to stay in the class! I'm sure he'll stay. She will tell him that he doesn't have to do any reading or something. She is probably looking to psychoanalyse him. Make him a test subject.
Anyway. I might be off to SF soon to take a look at a major video collection. The collectors came here and we all had a very fancy lunch (the head of the Architecture department, the director of the art center, the curator of said art center and quite a few others.) I took the liberty of inviting myself out to look at their house and their collection. I had to flirt a little bit with their curator which was fine as he was kinda cute in an art nerdy kinda way.

oh and here is the list of the 10 songs that have floated to the top of my iPod. Better late than never, right boys?

Air "Alone in Kyoto." My current favorite faggy french art music. this is from the Lost in Translation soundtrack but is on a very good album called Talkie Walkie.

Angie Stone "Just a Pimp." Angie Stone is fabulous. LOVE HER! and this is about her man who just happens to be a pimp. Very 70's R&B, Roberta Flack-esque. kick ass.

Atreyu "Bleeding Mascara." Nouveau metal and they are named after the kid in Neverending Story! need I say more?

Jill Scott "Golden." one of my few happy moment songs. I love jill scott! great voice, amazing lyrical narrative. good times.

Kyuss "50 Million Year Trip." one stoned groove. All I can think is that it must be a lot of fun to play. Fire up the bong, turn out the lights and go.

Lacuna Coil "Heaven's a Lie." Italilan neo-metal. female singer who only dresses in Gucci. heavy, black, dark and very dramatic music. Come on, they're Italian!

Nightwish "I wish I had an Angel." Same as above only they're from Norway. Dark, dramatic, Scandinavian...

Scissor Sisters "Take Your Mama." New favorite band. Love this album. not as big a fan of their reworking of Comfortably Numb (sorry Mike) a close runner up is the Tits on the Radio.

Spice Girls "Say You'll be There." big gay moment, Spice Girls! Who doesn't love them? A moment in history that will never be back...ah girl power where are you when I need you?

Missy Elliott "Pussycat." the top of my heap! "pussy don't fail me now!" It is sheer poetry. Missy is the shit!


that is all...

names out.