careful what you wish for...

oh it has been one of those weeks. Funding is still up in the air, my student loans have finally gone through but for some reason it will be several days before I see a check and I walk the earth with a dollar to my name. its kinda funny, no matter how far I go being broke will always be a state of mind. I have no money and I don't seem to want anything. Besides a beer of course and C is kind enough to support my habit. I imagine that is survival on his part, when I'm down and I ain't got beer to keep me sane, mutha fuckas watch out.
On that note today seemed to be the day for free drinking. there were three events on campus that promised free beers for grad students. I'd say that I qualify! hmmmm free buzz.
Anyway things are getting kooky. Spent the free beverage events talking to the newbies. they are awfully enthusiastic. I don't trust enthusiasum. Bitterness I understand and trust but enthusiasum? no, not at all. give it time. they will come to see that this institution sees them as fodder. it took me ten minutes but then I am smarter than most or is it bitter-er?
I had an incident this week that makes me expecially bitter towards the school. C and I met for drinks at the grad bar. Now the grad bar is in this monolithic building that holds the radio station and numerous student groups one of which is the LGBT group room. Down the hall from the LGBT center is the men's bathroom. For some reason that probably made sense in the early 20th century when the building was built, there is a rather large blackboard above the urinals. Now these are old school urinals that run about 5 ft. high to the floor along one side of the wall and above it is the blackboard. So I go to take a piss and realise that there are all kinds of anti-gay slogans and derisive language all over it. big, small various types of handwriting. and I start to get pissed. because I know that someone is just being a douchebag here. They see the LGBT center and for some reason that threatens their fragile sense of self and they need to get their frustrations out for all the world to see. The main thing is that it isn't easy to write on this board, you have to REALLY want to write something cause that shit is high and you have to either stand or get a chair or some shit to avoid standing in a fuckin urinal!
So I head back to the grad bar and pour myself another beer (land of the six dollar pitcher of beer!) open my laptop and pen a letter to all the LGBT committee members I know, in addition to the dean of grad students and the head of student life.
What do I hear back? I get a reply from another LGBT committee member telling me that this has been going on for a while and they are "documenting it" and they know that it is one particular student who is doing it.
and I hear nothing else! no one even saw fit to email me back and say damn that sucks or anything! Douchebags!
because you know if someone had written a racial slur every mutha fucker in the city would be there protesting and making a big fuckin stink. C keeps bugging me to take it farther and make a big deal about it. But you know what? I realised coming to MIT that there are a lot of people who are closeted here. There are those people who have shuttered themselves up in a life of science to the disavowal of their sense of self. It is a world of the mind and not the body. These are people who are extremely uncomfortable in their bodies. They exist in the intellectual.
its really disheartening.

names...