Have you never been mellow?

Well, I am off to Amherst tomorrow. I am giving my first conference paper. I am a little stressed about it. I honestly didn' t think my paper topic was relevant to the conference topic. what the fuck were they thinking?
I would have been better off not doing this fuckin thing but what am I going to do? I am actually still sick after a week! Waking up with overwhelmed sinuses is getting really old. I thought it was the flu but it seems that it might be allergies.
In light of the wonderful weather today I walked around campus and took some pics.

This is the library at Sloan where I write most of my papers. This is simply because it is the closest to the house and there is a Dunkin Donuts a block away. It is also an example of the architectural style known as Brutalism.

This is Walker Memorial. The grad bar is in the front on the right. Six dollar pitchers of Bud. hmmmmm...beer.
The MIT radio station is in the basement.

And here is the dreaded Hayden Library. This is the worst library I have ever had to spend time in. It has a great view across the Charles but otherwise nothin...Bad uncomfortable chairs and no electric outlets, who designed this fuckin place? I have never experienced a more ill-planned library. god sarn it!

I'm out. I'll report back this weekend on my disastrous paper reading.

names...

Newport

ah. so I escaped to Newport this week. I came down Tuesday evening. My goal was to have 20 to 30 pages done. I don't have shit. well. thats not true. I spent the first full day reading. Not helpful. I was kinda freaking out at this point. I hung out with my friend L whom I haven't seen in over four years. He's a little odd. I love him to death but he is an older, single gay man who is big and burly. He obliquely talks about how attracted he is to me. Not gonna happen. But he is good for getting the green. So I got to spend the last two days reeling in the years, so to speak.
anyway. I decided that I would spend today just organising the data I gathered. It took me all morning and then I spent the day thinking about how to bring it all together.
Long story short, I have an outline with all of my sources coordinated with the appropriate chapter. HUGE!
I can actually write now. I would never have thought that an outline could be helpful. I have never ever down one. But with the amount of data I had there was no fuckin way I could have gotten through it coherently.
I then went and got buzzed and walked around town before dinner taking pics. Most suck but I kinda like the bluriness.
let me know if I should stop taking pics when I am trashed. There were many of them from Paris that will never see the light of day!
anyway. it is back to the real world tomorrow god damn it.
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My brain is exploding

ugh! today sucked so much ass. I can't write a fuckin thing. I spent the day reading and then went out for coffee. then lunch. then to a tattoo parlour. I didn't get anything. I had a consultation with the artist. He traced what I have now and will email me a drawing of what the entire arm will look like. I am investing part of my tax return in my tattoo. I can't wait to tell C. He is going to freak out! He'll huff and puff and then deal with it. It's pretty funny to watch. The first time I went to meet his parents he wouldn't let me wear a short sleeve shirt. He didn't want them seeing it. And it really isn't that big.
After that my friend L picked me up and got me a bit smoked up. I am pleasantly buzzed now. Perhaps I will actually sleep tonight. Don't bet on it.

I'm crashing. Lets hope I can put pen to paper tomorrow. at least in the abstract digital sense.

names...

here I go again on my own.

I am in Newport this week. I have come here to write and have spent most of the time reading which isn't helping very much. Well, its helping but in a writing kinda way. I am here blogging in an attempt to come to terms with writing. It has become very anxiety provoking for me. I am stressed just thinking about it. I need a ghost writer. Someone else to put words on paper. I can think them I just can't write it out.

god damn it...

I got nothing

I have decided that writing here is a good way to get started on writing a paper. I can ramble without any pressure to "write well" or something like that. I have set a date for my thesis defense. it will take place on May 2nd. I am to give my presentation on April 21st. I should proabably get started on writing the fuckin thing. but I wish to get Turkle's paper and the conference paper finished and out of the way. Clear up the brain space.
I accomplished a bit yesterday and met up with C and friends in town. I was going to see Andrea Fraser do a reading from her new book at the ICA but I came to the realisation that listening to others talk about art is probable the least productive thing I can do right now.
I went and bought the new Belle and Sebastian CD yesterday. So far, so good.
hmmmm I got nothing else. oh wait! have I mentioned lately how much I hate the fuckin libraries at MIT? I need a quiet place to sit and write and there is nothing. I invariable end up at the Sloan library which always empty as the Sloanies have better things to do than go to the library and read.

I'm out...

Calgon take me away!

I'm trying not to think about the next month and a half. I have so much work to do and I can't get started. Everytime I sit down to write I get anxious and stressed. I have several small things that are due and I can't even get to them. I don't know how the fuck I am going to write this beast. It is looming over me like a "two ton heavy thing." Its crazy. I feel stupid. Thick in the head. major writers block. I guess it is a good thing that I didn't get into a graduate program. I'd probably be completely insane right now. Well, more so anyway.
I spent the weekend in NYC looking at art with the Art Scholars. It was fun. Saw my first broadway show "Sweeny Todd." It was very good times.
Now, of course, I have insomnia. I'm not sleeping yet really, really tired all of the time.
I am currently writing here when I should be writing a paper.

blech!

Midnight, bored again.

Since I don't have anything interesting to write about I'm passing along a meme from this guy.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
L. Nathan Oaklander's The Ontology of Time "In the final section, I will mention some outstanding issues that still need to be resolved by each camp if they are to gain the allegiance of supporters." I'm a nerd. Leave me alone.

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?
Absolutely nothing. Air, which is actually something but feels like nothing.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
The Simpsons just ended.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
Midnight

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
11:58

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The television.C snoring in the other room.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
I walked into the house at a quarter after 10. I was returning from class. See #13

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Topher's entry.

9. What are you wearing?
Plaid pajama bottoms, plaid flannal shirt, black t-shirt with the logo of a noww defunct RI hardcore band called "Holy Cow" on the front. black socks with holes.

10. Did you dream last night?
I have to admit that Matthew Fox was in my dreams last night. nuff said.

11. When did you last laugh?
A little while ago during one of my favourite Simpsons episodes.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
A framed photo horizontal tryptych by Isaac Julian that actually belongs to the List Gallery at MIT. It is on loan to me until the end of the semester. A verical digital tryptych by my friend Natasha that she gave me for helping install her thesis show. A large South Asian themed painting that C used in his thesis production of "A Perfect Ganesh." A large multi-coloured painting which was a gift to C.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
I'm not sure if this is "weird" but I just had a night class/dinner at a professor's house on Marlborough St. It was a five floor brownstone that cost more money than I will ever earn in my entire life.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
It's distracting me.

15. What is the last film you saw?
I just watched the end of Philadelphia Story. C was watching it when I got home.

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
I would pay off my student loans.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
I hosted a music video show on local television in Australia.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Legalise it.

19. Do you like to dance?
With the proper amount of alcohol anything is possible.

20. George Bush:
Trying to get the world to fear God as much as he does.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Zelda. (not inspired by the game)

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
James. What else is there?

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
It used to be Berlin but I have to admit that Paris wins by a landslide.

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Shouldn't I have gone the other way?

25. 4 people who must also do this meme in THEIR journal:
I'm not actually one for imposing rules.

When is summer getting here!!

It has been a while since I have posted here. I was overwhelmed last week with the College Art Association conference. It was an interesting experience. I sat in on quite a few panels and wandered the book fair. Didn't spend nearly enough money on books. I suffered sensory overload walking into the book sellers area. I have something of a book fetish and buy way more than I could ever possibly read. I only bought four books! I kept meaning to go back and do more shopping. In the end it is probably good that I didn't.
Anyway, I am getting a little sick of this fuckin winter so I am posting a photo from last summer. It is taken from Killian court looking across the river. I walk across this space every day and right now it fuckin sucks ass. There is a nice breeze flowing across the river, good times! My forehead cracks, my eyes water. I'm sick of winter god damn it!


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